Dr Dannie
by HikariOneeSan
Summary: Hilarious remake of Dr. Phil, Fruits Basket style. Rated T for cursing.
1. Tohru

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy)

Regular = Guest or other random person

Tohru

**Hikari: I'm going outside to hang a few posters for the show.**

The date on those posters is really small.

**Hikari: Sorry, our budget for them was really small so we hired a really cheap guy to make them. I'll be right back.**

OK I'll just be framing my license!

Tohru: Um, excuse me?

You got done fast. Wait you aren't Hikari! Who are you?!

Tohru: Um…

Oh that doesn't matter. Who sent you?! You can't stop this show. You can't prove this is a fake license. If you are from a different show…..!!

**Hikari: Dannie stop! She isn't one of our rivals.**

What do you mean?

**Hikari: I think she just got the date on the flyer wrong.**

Huh? Well I told you that the date was really small.

**Hikari: I'm so sorry but this is a closed set.**

Tohru: Oh no I'm sorry. I guess I was just curious.

**Hikari: The show actually starts tomorrow.**

Tohru: Oh

Oh about the stuff I said before, with the you can't prove anything, I was um, I was remembering a funny Cop show I saw last night (turns head) hehehe yes lets go with that.

Tohru: Oh so what exactly is this show anyway?

**Hikari: It's called Dr. Dannie. Oh and I'm Hikari, the producer, by the way. What's your name?**

Tohru: I'm Tohru Honda. I'm pleased to meet you.

**Hikari: Hmm how about we do a test run of the show with you to make this up to you. You think you can do it Dannie?**

Yeah of course I can do it. Let's get started Tohru. Just sit over there for now.

Tohru: Um ok.

**Hikari: Now it's time for the Dr. Dannie show with today's guest Tohru Honda! **

Larry turn on the light already!

**Oh…Oh! um yea** click ( Shines light 2 ft away from stage)

NO you idiot on the stage. Hello? Fine! I'll come up there!

SLAP

**OW!**

**Hikari: Um we are having some technical difficulties right now, so um please bare with us.**

Punch

**OW! What did you hit me for?**

Ok now that that is fixed. Hello Ms. Honda, it is a pleasure to have you on the show. The point of this show is to help people with their lives, do you have anything you would like to talk about?

Tohru: Actually I have been worried because I had to choose a guy I liked over another and I'm not sure if I should feel guilty.

Oh-

**Hikari: Hey why is the light on me?! Um I mean, you shouldn't feel guilty at all.**

Um ok I got it. This is our Advice from the Producer Segment of the show I 'm going to kill that guy. I'll be right back.

**Hikari: You should um just explain to the other guy that you liked somebody else more. I'm sure he will und…**

Oh Larry come back here!

**No! No way!**

Why not? I just wanna talk. 

**Hikari: Ignore the fighting noise, Dr. Dannie is just having a creative discussion with Larry.**

No I'm not, I'm kicking his ass!

**Hikari: Anyway Tohru I'm sure he will understand if you explain it to him gently.**

**OW!**

**Hikari: Oh no Larry tripped, now he wont be able to get away. Larry are you ok?! Excuse me Tohru, I think I should go join the discussion.**

It is still not a discussion!

Tohru: Oh ok.

**Hikari: Hey stop it you guys! No violence on the set!**Fine whatever, just don't mess up again Larry. (Tries to jump and punch one last time but is pulled away.) **Hikari: Ok sorry for that, but it looks like we're out of time.**

Tohru: Um

**Hikari: That is it for today. Hope you liked the first episode of the Dr. Dannie Show.**

We are glad we helped someone else here today.

Tohru: Yes they really did!

What are you waiting for moron, go dim the lights!

**OW! OW! Ok! Ok! I'm going OW!**


	2. Yuki

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry oh and Steve/Alexander) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought_

Yuki

Yuki: Hello is any one hear? HELLO! What's this light for? I guess I'm supposed to sit there… Ow! Oh just a wall. A wall? Why is a wall here? Oh at least there is a door.

**Hikari: Welcome to the Dr. Dannie show!**

Yuki: Hello? Is anyone here? Wait, did you say show? I must be in the wrong place. A friend of mine told me to come here for advice.

Then you came to the right place. Hello, I'm Dr. Dannie and I tried to give your friend advice but that idiot was distracting me. But he is doing well today,_ for a change. _

Yuki: Oh, then I'm sorry. My name is Yuki, and well, maybe I should come up with another question…

Why do you say that? I will try to give you advice on anything you ask. 

Yuki: Um…

Oh I get it. It's a show. You don't want the world or all of the viewers we have to here your thoughts and troubles.

**Hikari: **_**We don't really have that many viewers anyway…**_

Yuki: How did you know? Well I do have one question.

Ask away!

Yuki: What is this wall for and why does that one have a door?

Oh, that, is um, for later guests. Why do you ask?

(Gets up, walks foward) I wanted to know what's the point of three walls.

Oh um why did you come and sit next to me? Was the chair uncomfortable? 

Yuki: No it wasn't! Oh! Do you want me to go back?

NO NO NO please stay! But why did you need to get up for anyway!? 

**Looks like our host has a crush on our guest hehehe.**

**Hikari: **_**Yeah maybe…**_

Shut up Larry! Before I go up there and make you! I'm so sorry, please feel free to ignore him it is not like he does anything important. 

**I do so! I work the lights.**

**Hikari: **_**Badly…**_

That is why our show was horrible last time, and why we had that…

**Hikari: Creative discussion.**

Yeah, yeah creative discussion. I still say it was a fight. One that he had no hope of winning.

**Hikari: Don't admit that. If there is violence we could be kicked off the air.**

Yuki: Who was that?

Oh that is the producer, and my friend, Hikari. You can come and say hi.

**Hikari: Hi **

In person.

Yuki: No, she doesn't have to.

No, no, you asked a question so I need to answer, that is part of the show.

**She would not try as hard for any one else. **_**Especially me.**_

You know I can kick your ass to the moon! Don't push it Larry!

**I always wanted to see the moon… I bet you always wished you could have a cool guy to like you to and…**

**(**Evil glare) Go ahead! I dare you finish that sentence

**UH UH oh um…**

That gives me reason enough. (crack) oh um I did not plan to break anything I just wanted to cause pain.

**Hikari: NO VIOLENCE ON THE SET!**

I know!

**Hikari: Good! Ignore them, they do this everyday.**

Yuki: Um, ok, if you say so… Is everything ok. I hear a lot of yelling and… is that a girl screaming?

No that is actually Larry.

**Hikari: Just don't acknowledge it and everything should be ok. **_**Hopefully…**_

Yuki: Huh?

**Hikari: Oh nothing…**

Incase you blinked, I'll explain, I got Hikari to go talk with Yuki so I could…

**Hikari: Persuade…**

That is annoying now. You do know this is rated T for cursing and I have not started yet. Sorry for that, now for the actual help.

Yuki: Um is he going to be ok…?

Sure he is, anyway, what was your problem?

Yuki: Oh, I came to ask about a person that I know. He had a hard past and it has left him, well, alone. The problem is that he likes someone, but he is not sure if she'll like him back.

Well, do you, uh I mean, does your "friend" really like her?

Yuki: Yes, he likes her a lot.

Then he should just go for it. The worst thing that could happen is that she says no. If that happens your friend will find somebody better than her. He should not let his past effect the choices that he makes. He can't go back to change it, so he will just need to do things to make him have a better future.

Yuki: Thank you. I will tell him, and I'm sure he will appreciate it. Can I come back more then once?

Sure! Of course any time you want.

**Hikari: She is right, you can come back and make sure to tell other people about us..**

Come back soon or you can call one of us or something. Here is my number.

Yuki: Ok. That sounds great. Thanks I will call.

Really!

**Hikari: Really…? Um, so anyway, we are out of time! Thanks for coming, Yuki. That concludes this episode of Dr. Dannie! **

Where we are glad to have help another guest. Wait, we actually did this time that is truly amazing. Um, you will see Larry soon but for now, um one minute.

**Hikari: Who is that kid?**

This is our replacement light dude. He can't possibly do worse than Larry. Dim the lights!

**?: Ok .**

See, he did better already.

**Larry: NO! You cant replace me! I'm fine OWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I'm not, but you still can't fire me.**

Oh, yes I can.

**Hikari: Oh no you can't. Only I can.**

Fine but I can make you fire him.

**Hikari: Hmmm yeah eventually you will, well it depends. What's your name kid?**

**?: ****Um, my name is Steve.**

Um ok Alexander good job will you come back another time?

**(Steve)**** Alexander: Um my name is Steve and ok, sure.**

No your name is Alexander I can't believe you don't know your own name.

**Hikari: Um no you are the one who got it wrong, but ok Great! Now go turn off the lights, slowly, so that we can end the show dramatically.**

**Alexander: Ok…**

BYE!!!!


	3. Haru

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (New guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought_

* * *

Haru

* * *

**Larry: OW OW OW! It hurts!**

You insisted on working

**Larry: Only because you insisted on replacing me.**

**Hikari: Which she can't do.**

I wouldn't if you were competent, but we can lose the light guy.

**Hikari: Um no we can't.**

Yo Larry, just take the medicine before I break the other arm.

**Hikari: Oh YAY! Alexander is back!**

Oh hey Alexander is back.

**Hikari: Why am I being ignored?**

* * *

_Flashback…_

* * *

**Hikari: What the fuck?!**

* * *

…

**Larry: Don't replace me! Where are you guys going?!**

What if Alexander comes back? Larry still wants to work but he will keep screwing up more.

**Hikari: Deal with it we aren't firing him.**

Yet. Anyway I'm hungry, and I know you are too, so lets eat.

**Hikari: I don't know what your talking about. (Stomach grumbling)**

Oh really. You aren't hungry?

**Hikari: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?**

Yes! We have tacos for lunch.

**Hikari: Well actually, that is what I was thinking, but that's still besides the point. He should be a caterer.**

…Oh, like the note I left you earlier said.

**Hikari: Nope I never got that note…**

Yeah…right. Well you know what I'm thinking?

**Hikari: No, what?**

Your paying for the tacos.

_End Flashback…_

?: I don't see anybody here…Ok well I'll keep looking.

**Hikari: I hear someone.**

Shhh there is someone here.

**Hikari: Still being ignored I see, I know you guys hear me.**

?: Oh hey. Are you guys the ones doing the Dr. Dannie show.

**Hikari: Who are you?**

Hatsuharu Sohma, call me Haru though. I'm Yuki's cousin.

Oh!

**Hikari: Oh!**

**Larry: Oh!**

Don't act like you matter, Larry. 

**Hikari: Well I'm Hikari, the show's producer. She is Dannie, and that's just our lights guy.**

**Larry: I have a name.**

Nobody cares.

Haru: Yeah I found them.

?

**Hikari: ?**

**Larry: ?**

You still don't matter. Shut up!

Haru: Oh sorry I'm on the phone with him now. He wants to talk to you, Dannie. Here's the phone.

Yuki: Hey Dr. Dannie. You guys helped me out so much, I thought you could use another person to interview.

Oh, ok thanks. You know you could call me Dannie since you are not on an interview.

**Larry: She really does like him doesn't she.**

Shut up or you will need crutches. Sorry about that. You remember our incompetent light guy.

**Larry: I have a name!!!!!**

That no one cares about.

Yuki: Oh, he is working, that means he is ok.

Well not really but he insisted on working.

**Larry: That is…….(shoved away)**

Yuki: Well before I have to go I wanted to tell you that my cousin…

Haru: No need to tell her that. Now you said you had something to do.

Yuki: No, no I need to tell her….

Haru: Oh no you don't. Bye! Say good bye.

Um Bye???? ( I have no idea what is going on) 

**Hikari: Ok well Haru, do you want to be our next contestant?**

Good thanks for volunteering to our first live show. How can he say no now?

Haru: Like this…

Good I'm glad you agree.

Haru: But I didn't… Oh well I have time to kill.

**Hikari: Thank you, now please sit on that chair.**

Haru: Um what is with the walls? (we got them all in place, he can't get out unless we let him now.)

Haru: Hey!

HA! Now you cant walk out… How did you?

Haru: You should get a lock next time.

I need to kill someone. Oh Larry!! Really where are you? I know that you left because the lighting is right.

**Hikari: You are right I think he went to talk with Alexander.**

(Meanwhile)

**Larry: Yes, yes, take it from me Dr. Dannie loves this fancy water. I am only looking out for you.**

**Alexander: I'm not sure weren't you the one who wanted me gone?**

**Larry: And you will be if you don't take them this fancy water right now.**

**Alexander: But I…**

**Hikari: what are you two doing? The Doctor needs water, and what are you doing with that vod...**

**Larry: You heard the producer. Get them their water!**

**Hikari: No wait.**

Took you long enough. Larry was talking to you wasn't he?

**Larry: So what, I can't talk now?**

If it were up to me, no.

**Hikari/Larry: Well it's not!**

**Hikari: Wait no don't drink that!!**

Bottoms up!

Haru: Cheers!

**Hikari: How come only I can hear me?**

**Larry: I can hear you.**

**Hikari: You don't matter. HEY! Wait a minute, you just let them all drink vodka. Now what am I gonna do the show hasn't even started yet.**

**Larry: So that concludes another episode or Dr. Dannie, and we didn't even get to start the episode this time.**

What the fuck! Didn't I just tell you that you didn't matter and nobody cares about you? I would rip your mouth off right now if I could see straight.

**Hikari: Alexander quit giving them booze!**

**Alexander: FLUFFY PICKLES!**

**Hikari: Oh great he's drunk too. Dannie is a violent drunk, which isn't good, and Alexander is a delusional drunk, which doesn't help me at all. So now all I'm left with is…Larry. Damn it! Hey wait, where did Haru go?**

Smash

Crash

**Hikari: Oh my God! NO! Haru stop throwing chairs out the window! Um I don't know what to do… Ok Larry now is your one chance to be reliable. Watch everybody else while I stop Haru.**

**Larry: Roger that!**

**Hikari: Um ok seriously, no more talking. Haru wait! Dannie, why are you doing it too?!**

Hehehe it's fun!

Haru: Yeah, don't be a party-pooper.

**Larry: So I guess since nobody can hear me right now I can really conclude the episode. We tried to help but we failed so see you next time!**

**Hikari: What do you mean by we?!**

What do you mean by we?!

**Alexander: WEEEEEEEE!!!!!**

That's it, your getting killed! NOW!

**Hikari: Ok, so since I have a lot of things to deal with now, we will seriously end the show here. Bye!**

You can't end the show! Only I can end it so until I say so the show goes on! 

Haru: She's drunk but she has power. I like that.

Yuki: Wait don't! Everyone stop!!!!!!

What? Why are you here? I mean I like it but why?

Yuki: Live show remember?

No, no I don't. Well ok, now I'm done with that.

Haru: Yeah I'm done to.

**Hikari: Wait hold on! I say stop and you both ignore, me but he comes and you two snap out of it?**

Haru: Yeah!

Pretty much, and now that everyone is happy, end the show.

**Hikari: I'm not happy!!!!!**

Oh well um hey Haru help me fix the windows.

Haru: Sure.

Yuki: I'll help to.

Hey, um this episode was a failure so you should come back next time.

Haru: Whatever. (Shrug)

**Hikari: Why am I still BEING IGNORED!!!!!!!! I'm not Larry..**

Don't flatter Larry. Plus the show is over so either help the drunk kid stand there or help us with the chair and windows.

**Hikari: Fine as long as I'm acknowledged. (Turns around).**_**They are still ignoring me.**_** Just remember I sign your pay checks!**

Yuki/Haru: We don't work here.

I make mine out this is made in both of our names. You can't threaten us.

**Hikari: I can't? Oh really? I'll take away the booze!**

**All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**


	4. Haru The Sequel

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (New guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought_

* * *

_Haru "The Sequel"_

* * *

Last time on Dr. Dannie everyone got drunk. So we are redoing the interview. Haru is back, and Larry is not allowed near the booze. In fact, no one is. My producer locked it away. Little does she know I picked the lock and got some.

**Hikari: I heard that.**

Damn! How? Your no where near me.

**Larry: I told her.**

**Hikari: Good job Larry. Here's a treat.**

**Larry: I'm not a dog!**

**Hikari: Do you want the treat or not?**

**Larry: Yes, I want it!**

Ok, that does not matter. Back to something that does. Um… Oh yeah! My friend, Momo, got me thinking. Yes! I said thinking. Is that really hard to believe? Well fuck you, pal. Anyway, here is **The Box of Good/Bad Things the Voices in my Mind Tell Me to Do! **Long name… I need to fix that.

**Larry: Um, I'm scared.**

You should be! Ok I'll explain. This is a box filled with paper that gives me ideas of what to do when I'm mad at people. *Cough* Cough* Larry *Cough*.

**Larry: O-Oh, I need to leave early.**

**Hikari: No you don't. She was joking. Say you are joking.**

I don't want to lie.

**Hikari: You lie all the time.**

Well am starting a new no-more-lying- for-me rule.

**Hikari: Like hell you are, you will lie within the next 2 minutes.**

Bet if I don't lie you give me the booze key.

**Hikari: Deal.**

Ok so now what? Oh Haru is back Yay!

Haru: Sup. Do you have the booze?

I will in 1 minute and 32 seconds.

Haru: So precise. Why?

To win a bet that says I cant lie until 2 minutes is up and I only have gotten through 31 seconds.

Haru: Cool! I'll make her crack.

Who's side are you on?

Haru: Right now hers. So do you like my cousin?

Yuki. Sure, he is ok.

Haru: No I mean LIKE, him as in love.

Damn! Well yes.

**Larry: Ha I knew it.**

Shut the hell up you don't matter!

Haru: Impressive, but you will crack.

In your dreams!

Haru: Your on! What color is your bra?

Why the hell would I tell you? I can't lie but I don't have to answer.

Haru: Chicken.

Black. Now how are you gonna know if I'm lying?

Haru: Take it off or lift the shirt.

Fine! (flash) Ok it is black so there that is it 2 minutes need to be up.

**Hikari: Well it is not but you flashed on TV for it so here. (Toss)**

Yay! In your face Haru! Well what now?

**Larry: How about that thing you just did?**

OK…

**Hikari: Don't throw things up there. Or promote violence. **

To late but your right. I can't throw stuff. I might hit the lights and break one.

**Larry: I see, I don't matter.**

He is learning! It is a miracle he finally got it.

Haru: Well, what do we do on this show?

Well, we talk I give a diagnosis and I help you.

Haru: Ok, well how about how my other cousin Kyo. He is a moron. He tries to beat Yuki at fighting and never wins. Stupid cat!

What was that? Cat? Well I guess it is a nick name. Ok well my diagnosis is he is stubborn, stupid, and he has a inferiority complex.

**Hikari: KITTY!**

Ignore her, she has a cat fetish.

**Hikari: Kitty!**

Haru: …Ok if you say so. I see by that certificate that you are… What a minute, did you print this up?

No why would I? Anyway, um, I can't help him, so do you need help in any way?

Haru: No. Well I am violent sometimes when I go black.

Go black? Can you explain that?

**Hikari: Yes, nobody knows what that means.**

Haru: Well I get mad and it is like I become a different person. I turn aggressive and dangerous.

I can't see that but I can handle it.

Haru: Oh really. Well in that case.

**Hikari: Wait!! No violence! **

To late. He challenged me. Well indirectly. Oh well, point is it's too late.

Haru: Yeah, so no stopping us. Bring it!

I don't want you to get hurt Hikari, so stay away from this.

**Hikari: Does anybody ever actually listen to me?**

( Big slap fight)

You seem like your just a punk, but you can actually be a badass.

**Hikari: How the hell is slapping badass?**

Haru: Yes, but you are surprising as well. Who knew a girl could fight as well as me.

**Hikari: Fight?! That was not fighting! But still violent, so STOP!**

As well as you? Hell, I'm winning.!

Haru: Like hell you are!

**Hikari: What can I do? Well um um um….. Hey I got it! Yes, that will work.**

No it wont!

**Hikari: How do you know? I never said what my idea was.**

I don't need to! I'm winning, so nothing can stop me! HA HA HA HA!!!!

Haru: No I'm winning!

**Hikari: Can't you just say that your both winning?**

No, never! I will never lose!

Haru: I won't lose either!

(Haru and Dannie turn and lean on each other's backs)

I'm tired.

Haru: I am too.

**Hikari: Wait! You two talk so big, then you slap fight and then you both just go ahead and give up! What the hell is wrong with you?**

Absolutely nothing.

Haru: Yeah, we are both completely fine, we are just tired.

**Hikari: So who won anyway?**

It was a draw.

Haru: Yeah we tied, but I was going easy on you. Hahaha!

Yeah right, your bluffing. We both won 'cause we wouldn't give up.

**Hikari: You both gave up!**

That is why we both won, so it was a draw. What part of that don't you get? Anyway, we are almost out of time. As you can see Haru and I have anger management issues. So my recommendation is to beat up Larry. 

**Larry: Don't tell strangers to beat me up.**

**Hikari: I'm not letting anyone in here to beat up our lights guy.**

I am getting to that. It is not like I said where you live*Cough* 13 Crest Avenue*Cough*. Anyway, since you don't have a Larry, you can have mine.

**Larry: What, I thought you were gonna help me? And why did you give people my address**?

Let me finish, God damn it. You can buy a Larry doll! Our newest item! You can buy it, and use it to take out your anger.

**Larry: I resent that! **

I really don't care. So that is it. Bye!

**Hikari: Wait! That is not fair, you can't just end it!**

First of all, yes I can. Second, hey Alexander, catch! Here is the key, go get the booze. Third loosen up, have a drink, and party. If I can be like this when I have a hangover, then you can loosen up a little.

Haru: She is right, you are too up tight.

**Hikari: Really I will prove you all wrong. Give me that.**

**Larry: Don't! I don't want you to go insane too.**

**All: You don't matter so shut up!!**

Bye! If you wanna buy a Larry doll look below for the info. IT IS TIME TO PARTY! It will help if anyone knows a fast way to get rid of a hangover. Thank you for watching!

* * *

**Ps. Address above is not real, it might be a place, but no one I know lives there. Larry dolls, coming to a store near you in the distant future. The price is 100% off, and it comes in many outfits and many shapes, colors, and flavors.**


	5. Ayame

**Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.**

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (Not so new guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought_

* * *

_Ayame_

* * *

Ok, so now Haru is gone. What now?

**Hikari: Well people keep sending others over, so I say we wait.**

But waiting is sooo boring.

**Hikari: Stop winning.**

**Larry: Yeah, what are you, 5?**

If I am, then you should be ashamed on getting beat up by a 5 year old.

**Larry: Well um...**

Nice come back. 

**Larry: Whatever, just leave me alone!**

Gladly.

**Hikari: Don't start to harass Larry until the show begins.**

Fine, whatever, but I need something to do.

**Larry: Wait a minute, It's not even ok when the show begins!**

Yes it is, you are my punching bag.

**Larry: What the hell happened to no violence eon the set?**

**Hikari: I changed my mind when it comes to mental harassment, but violence is still of limits.**

Aww man. But I'm booooorrreeeed!

**Hikari: Go play with Alexander.**

He's not here yet! Or did you not notice?

**Hikari: You don't have the right to comment on my observation skills. **

What are you gonna do about it?

**Hikari: Well if you call badass slap fighting, then I should be fine.**

You know I was taking it easy on him. You also know I can break limbs in one punch. Larry is my prime example.

**Hikari: Well you need to wait to do anything. Well anything except permanently injuring Larry.**

Can I have some booze?

**Hikari: No!!!!**

Then what can I do?

**Hikari: Wait.**

That is a horrible answer. Well whatever, I'm just gonna go watch cartoons.

**Hikari: What if someone comes?**

You can call me back. Duh!

**Hikari: Ugh! Fine!**

(One hour Later)

**Hikari: You're back! Yay! Now I can talk to someone interesting.**

**Larry: I…**

Resent that. Yeah we know what you were gonna say, but we still don't care. Hey look at my new toy! A Larry Paddle Ball!

**Hikari: Um… creative?**

I know! It is fun want to try? Well you don't get to. If I can't hurt Larry, I'll hurt mini Larry.

**Larry: Um I need to go up stairs.**

Aww Larry, why are you running away? We were just about to have fun!

?: Hello? I am here! The show can now begin.

**Hikari: A guest! **

Finally! It took you look enough. Oh, I'm sorry sir. Um, did someone come here with you?

?: No it is only me. You are right I wish to travel with an entourage, but they could not come.

**Hikari: Hello I am the producer of this show Hikari. That is Dr. Dannie, and…**

No! No one else here is important enough for an introduction.

?: Enchante!(Bow) I am Ayame Sohma.

_Do we bow?_

**Hikari: **_**I don't know just do it. **_**(Bow) Glad to meet you.**

Ayame: The pleasure is all mine. Now, I was informed by my loyal e-mail companion, that you girls host a show called Dr. Dannie. Is this true?

Um… yeah. Who is this e-mail companion?

Ayame: Oh! Why, it is none other then Black-san.

_I need to kill Haru. _Um, yes we do host the show, but I'm confused as to why that would matter to you.

Ayame: Well, you are like he described.

What exactly did he say about me?

Ayame: Telling you would make this a little tough.

Make what tough?

Ayame: That is it… Oh! I have a phone call to make! Excuse me for a minute. Hello? Yuki? Yes it is an emergency. You need to come to the Dr. Dannie studio…

Ayame: Ok this plan will work.

What plan?

**Hikari: Plan for what?**

Ayame: Well I own a dress shop, Haru told me about you two, and I immediately new I had to get you two into dresses. Now! I have my measuring tape! Summit to me your measurements!

Hell no! Bye!

**Hikari: Oh no you don't! You are staying here, because you are going to host the show, while he makes us dresses.**

Says who? Last time I checked, I had half the power, so I say no.

Ayame: Haru called you the princess of fighting. So I envisioned a black dress. For you my dear I had a green dress in mind.

**Hikari: Green! Really! I love that color!**

Ayame: Now will Your Majesty honor me with and interview?

No! Leave! Out! Out! Out!

Yuki: Hello Dannie.

Hello Yuki. Now get out! Wait Yuki? He just called you like a minute ago.

Yuki: He also said it was an emergency. Nii-san, why are you here?

**Hikari: Nii-san? You mean, he's your brother?**

Ayame: Why of course. Can't you see the family resemblance?

Not really.

**Hikari: hmm… kind of. **

Yuki: I look nothing like you! Now, if I am not needed, I will leave!

Ayame: On the contrary! You are needed. You need to talk her into wearing a dress.

Yuki: He is trying to make you both wear dresses? Well I don't see any dresses.

?: Boss! I'm here with the green dress, and that one.

Ayame: Everyone, this is my assistant in my shop, Mine.

Yuki: I spoke to soon, and you can't make them change.

That one? She gets green, and I get that one! Um, I am afraid about that. I'm definitely not wearing it!

Mine: Ok if you are sure.

Hey don't push me! Nice try but… Hey! Ayame don't touch me! Hey stop pushing! Damnit!

**Hikari: Wow, they are really noisy.**

Yuki: Her resistance is impressive though.

Ayame: If you would not mind, could you put this on my dear?

**Hikari: OK! I'm going to change in the other room!**

Yuki: Nii-san, it is rude to make them… well mostly Dannie, change.

Ayame: You aren't curious about how they clean up? Well it does not matter, it is already done! Come out, when your ready my dears!

I am not coming out until I can take this dress off!

Ayame: Ok Mine! Miss Hikari!

Mine: Here she is, sir!

**Hikari: Um, I don't really like dresses, can I go change back?**

Ayame: Of course not! You look wonderful. We shall do the interview like this, if only the host would come out of hiding.

**Hikari: If only we could get to the interview part of the show…**

We would if I could get my normal clothes back! I'm not letting anybody see me wearing this!!

Ayame: But you must come out, or the interview will never be completed.

**Hikari: **_**Did it ever start?**_

**Larry: Don't worry! If she won't come I and do it, I can fill in for her!**

**Hikari: No! No! No! That really isn't necessary Larry. Everything is under control.**

NO WAY! I should murder you just for thinking about doing the show. As soon as I get my clothes back, and get out of here you are going to be punished Larry.

**Hikari: Umm we can't really have any violence on the show, so…**

I don't care. JUST GIVE ME MY CLOTHES BACK!

Ayame: I just simply can not do that. If I did, then you wouldn't wear that beautiful dress, that I made for you.

You should just give up and forget about be trying on the dress because I am never going to wear it.

Ayame: Well I am sorry Dannie, but as long as I am here you won't be getting your clothes back.

Don't worry, I can wait, I have all day!

**Hikari: We don't actually have all day… but if the host and the guest aren't doing the show, then I guess nobody is…**

**Larry: Sooo if there isn't a show today, I'm gonna do my own show. It's Larry's Light Corner. Today I am going to talk about my job.**

HELL NO!! I can't believe you would dare try that, even though you know your life could end tomorrow.

**Hikari: Besides, how much is there to describe about your job? Your mostly useless.**

**Larry: Hey!**

Larry! Come here for a minute, with some scissors too!

**Larry: No Way! I know exactly what you want to do with those scissors.**

I'm not gonna try to shove them up your ass this time. I promise.

**Larry: T-t-then what are you gonna do?**

They are for me, so just bring them here. NOW!

**Larry: Sure, sure. Whatever you say, but I am backing up a couple hundred feet just incase.**

You can leave for all I care now that I have these. I'm gonna wait until tomorrow to kill you.

**Hikari: There will be no killing!**

Ayame: Now how on Earth do you plan on getting out of there with only a pair of scissors.

You'll see in a second I am almost done.

**Hikari: I'm a little scared…**

Ok that should do it.

Ayame: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!

I made the dress more comfortable for me.

Ayame: You ruined it. All of my hard work, and you cut it up!

Well this way we can get the interview done so lets get to it.

**Hikari: Actually, I think we are running out of time.**

**Larry: Aww but what about Larry's Light Corner?**

I think you should get as far away from here as possible, so that you don't die.

**Hikari: No, no violence!**

**Larry: Umm bye!**

**Hikari: Just end the show already.**

Fine. Thanks for joining us for this episode today. We helped another person.

Ayame: NO YOU DID NOT!

Mine: Don't cry, it's ok.

Bye Bye!


	6. Hiro

**Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.**

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (Not new guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought _

* * *

_Hiro_

* * *

(Earlier in the day, still in prison...)

**Hikari: If you start a flashback call it by it's real name**

Kill joy! Fine, (earlier in school...). Happy?

**Hikari: No! How come I never get to start the… Hey, wait, don't go into flashback mode. Ugh!**

* * *

We were in school and we met up with someone you all know. Yuki! He is talking with …well you will see who in the flashback so here.

Yuki: What are you doing here? Why aren't you in school?

?: Well I need to meet those women from that show you were on.

Yuki: Dr. Dannie? Well they do go to my school, but I don't know where they are.

Oh hey Hikari look there is Yuki. Whats up Yuki?

Yuki: That was lucky. I was about to go look for you two.

**Hikari: Look for us? Why?**

?: Well what are you waiting, for introduce me! Fine I'll do it. Move! Hello, I am Hiro Sohma.

I'm Dan..

Hiro: I know! I need to go look at the set of your show.

**Hikari: Why, we don't do shows on weekdays?**

Hiro: I need to make sure it is suitable for Kisa.

Who? 

**Hikari: Now that you are caught up we can leave the flashback.**

* * *

Um how do we get Lazy here, and Alexander?

**Hikari: We call them. Also, his name is Larry.**

Do you think I care? And I don't know their numbers…

**Hikari: Um actually I don't either...**

* * *

(Back in the studio…)

**(Hikari: Wait why are they there when there is no show today?)**

(They have no lives, remember.)

(…)

* * *

**Larry: Alex, hurry up, I need to get my keys!**

**Alexander: I'm looking for them!**

(Back at school)

Hey look what I got.

**Hikari: You took his keys?**

If I said yes will you be mad?

**Hikari: Well now I don't need an answer since you just showed me.**

Hehehe

**Hikari: How are they supposed to get here if Larry can't drive?!**

When we call them they can figure it out.

Hiro: Umm, how exactly are you gonna call them if you don't have their numbers…dumbass.

**Hikari: Hey!!**

Hey!! Watch what you say brat. 

Yuki: Hiro don't be so rude!

Hiro: Why should I care about being rude to them? They never did anything nice for me. They still haven't given me a sample of their show. Now I will never know if it is safe for Kisa. At this rate, these two can get this task done by about Christmas.

Yuki: Hiro!

Listen you fucking brat, you're gonna be in a lot of pain pretty soon!

**Hikari: Hey what did I say about cursing and violence!**

First of all, you said nothing about cursing, and second I can be as violent as I want since we are not on the set. Even though I do it on the set anyway so I don't see how it matters.

Hiro: Sure go ahead and beat me up. A little kid who can't defend himself. Yeah, that'll look real good on your record. Just wait for me to call 911 so I can report child abuse. Won't all of your friends look so nice as accessories to your crime.

Somebody shut this kid up!!

**Hikari: Just don't kill him.**

Yuki: Hiro, maybe you should go back to school for now.

Hiro: No! I came here for a reason, and I intend to get what I want.

I was right, you are a brat! Just crawl back into the hole you came out of before I kick your ass.

Hiro: Watch what you say. I have 911 on speed dial.

**Hikari: WTF?! Seriously?**

Hiro: You wanna see?

Yuki: Hiro leave!

**Hikari: Isn't it about time for class anyway.**

Sure lets get out of here before I murder him.

Hiro: Not so fast. I am still gonna see your show, so you better get those guys over here somehow.

**Hikari: Well maybe if you were polite, we might show you after school.**

Yeah, and if I don't kill him.

Yuki: Hiro, ask nicely, and then go to school.

Hiro: May I please go see the set of your show?

**Hikari: That was so nice. Yes, now that you put it that way…**

No! I can see through that fake smile. You really are a brat now go to your school before I make you.

**Hikari: You can come but you should be nice or she might really hurt you.**

Hiro: As long as I get what I want, who cares? You better have some snacks for me when I'm back. That's the least you can do, for treating me like this, and wasting my time by not showing me the set.

Yuki: Hiro you should not impose on them like this, and you're the one who is behaving rudely. Apologize now then go to school.

You tell him. Good job! 

Hiro: Whatever, but I want snacks when I come back.

You want them bring them your self we don't owe you a thing!

Yuki: Go to school!! Sorry for him. He is extremely rude, as you can see, I honestly don't know were he gets it from, he even annoys that stupid cat. I mean my cousin, sorry.

No need, we get it nicknames are hard to stop using when you call him it all the time.

**Hikari: KITTY!!!!!**

You are still gonna do that. I am sorry again for her.

**Hikari: Don't apologize for me and I don't see a need to apologize.**

Yuki: Please don't fight.

Were not! This is what we do all the time if we did not do it then we would know something is wrong.

**Hikari: We actually agree on that. Um class is about to start, so we need to go.**

Yuki: Before you go, we should meet up at lunch every now and then, don't you think?

Sure, we don't do anything at lunch anyway, and it would be interesting to see Tohru again. Plus we could meet that stupid cat. I want to see if I can piss him off.

**Hikari: Please don't take it personal that is how Dannie has fun.**

Yuki: No, it's ok, that would actually be fun for me too. He is annoying and he would deserve it. The catch is he might take it as a challenge.

So I can handle him.

**Hikari: Just like you handled Haru with that bad ass slap fight. Right?**

Shut up! Well I was taking it easy and our viewers liked it that is why I did not kick his ass. Well if I am not tired I'll take up the challenge and beat the cat to a pulp.

**Hikari: Don't hurt the Kitty!**

Ok stop with the kitty! He is not a cat! Now, class! We will see you later, ok.

(After school…) 

**Hikari: How are we suppose to find Larry and Alexander? **

Well we could use this. ( Pulls out wallet)

**Hikari: That does not look like your wallet. Oh No! You didn't!**

Oh but I did! Well it is a good thing I did, cause it has his number in it and it has Alexander's number in it too.

Hiro: Are you to ready yet? I mean really you had all day to do this and you wait till I am hear to start. Honestly women are so annoying. Were are my snacks?

Why you little…

Yuki: He will use it against you if you do that.

How did you get here so fast?!

Yuki: I am faster than you think. Can I come with you to make sure you don't hurt him?

Ok.

**Hikari: Can kitty come?**

NO! Kitty can not come.

**Hikari: Aww, why not?**

Ugh, maybe kit… I mean HE can come next time.

**Hikari: YAY KITTY!!**

NO! He is a person not a kitty.

**Hikari: B-b-but Yuki can call him a cat… So why can't I call him kitty.**

You don't even know him to use a nickname. Try at least knowing his name.

**Hikari: Um ok. Yuki What is kitty's name?**

Yuki: Umm your not gonna stop even if I tell you are you.

**Hikari: NOPE!**

Ugh.

Yuki: His name is Kyo.

**Hikari: Close enough!**

Yuki: I think he might get mad if you call him kitty… so please continue.

Oh no, not you too. Come on Hikari we are wasting time here.

**Hikari: But Dannie I wanna meet Kitty.**

Hiro: Seriously did all of you forget that I am here waiting for you to get me some snacks.

Do you want me to pull them out of my ass!!

**Hikari: Kitty.**

Yuki: Umm, stop crying please.

You are so annoying. I said kitty can come next time… Damn it! Now I'm saying it too.

**Hikari: Fine.**

Hiro: Lets just go already, and make sure I have snacks when we get there.

(At the set…)

Larry?! Are you in here?

**Alexander: He's in the other room.**

Why?

**Alexander: He's looking for his keys, but he wont talk to me because he thinks I lost them.**

Oh. Opps.

**Hikari: See, you always cause trouble for other people.**

I'm sorry. I didn't know he would need them, and more importantly, blame Alexander.

**Hikari: It doesn't matter. You really gotta think first.**

Hiro: You guys sound like an old married couple. I'm out of here. This was obviously a waste of my time.

Yuki: Hey wait! Hiro don't touch that camera.

**Hikari: Oh my God! I can't believe he really just pushed over our camera.**

Yuki: I'm really sorry. I'll go talk to him. See you tomorrow. Again, I'm so sorry.

Well this day was a complete waste. We didn't help anyone. We didn't even start the show.

**Hikari: Well bye-bye and hopefully Kitty will come next time.**

KYO!

**Hikari: Same difference.**

I need aspirin. See you next time on the Dr. Dannie show. I need more then aspirin I want some booze that solves any problem and every problem.

**Hikari: NO! No booze that is dangerous.**

Hey Alexander, do me a favor and give this to Larry.

**Hikari: Wow that is nice of you.**

I was not done. Give it to him tomorrow.

**Alexander: Ok.**


	7. Kyo

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined****= Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A Guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought _

* * *

Kyo

* * *

**Hikari: Class is finally over. Lunch time!**

We have to eat with Yuki today. Remember?

**Hikari: I don't remember that.**

Ugh. You were probably too busy thinking about Kyo.

**Hikari: Kyo?**

…Kitty.

**Hikari: IS KITTY GONNA BE THERE!??!**

Were you listening at all yesterday?

**Hikari: You know I have a bad memory.**

Let's just go.

**Hikari: B-b-but what about Kitty?**

Shutup.

* * *

(In the cafeteria…)

* * *

Hey Yuki.

Yuki: Oh, you actually came.

Of course we came.

**Hikari: Kitty?**

_Will you stop it already? It's rude._

Yuki: Oh, let me introduce you. This is..

?: I don't need you to introduce me. Actually, I don't need to meet them in the first place. I'm out of here.

Yuki: Stop being so rude, you stupid cat. I'm sorry, this is my cousin, Kyo.

**Hikari: Kitty?**

Kyo: WHAT?

Kyo, not Kitty, stupid.

**Hikari: Well he isn't a kitty at all. You lied to me!**

I never told you he was a kitty… YUKI!

Yuki: Huh? What did I do?

You said he was a cat and now she has been picturing him and some kind of half cat, half person thing.

Kyo: Why are you people just talking about me when I am right here?!

**Hikari: Hi Kyo. I'm Hikari, and that's Dannie.**

Kyo: Uhh nice to meet you I guess.

How did she get serious so fast?!!?

Yuki: That's a little creepy.

A little?

**Hikari: Hey Kyo, do you wanna come to our studio later.**

Kyo: Umm, studio?

**Hikari: We have a studio where we do our talk show. It's called Dr. Dannie. She's the host. I'm the producer. We also have a lights guy and this guy named Alexander who doesn't really do anything… but I'm sure we hired him for a reason.**

Oh yeah, he doesn't really do anything does he. Why are we paying him?

**Hikari: We don't pay anybody.**

Oh. Ok, then he can stay.

Yuki: You know the least you can do is see the studio, you don't even have to be on the show.

**Hikari: Or you could be on the show if you want to.**

Kyo: I don't wanna be on a dumb talk show.

Our show is definitely not dumb.

Kyo: All talk shows are stupid. Besides I don't need help with anything.

**Hikari: The why don't you come with us to see the set after school?**

Kyo: No, I don't think so.

Yuki: Kyo, just be nice.

No, we don't need him if he doesn't want to come.

**Hikari: Aw, but I want him to come with us.**

Kyo: if it will get all of you to shutup, I'll go.

Whatever, meet us outside right after school is over. If your not there, I will assume you aren't coming.

Kyo: Just leave me alone.

Yuki: I'm sorry that he is so rude.

**Hikari: It's ok, lets just eat and go back to class.**

Fine, but I already know that I don't like him.

**Hikari: Just try to get along. Please?**

I will try but I don't know what's gonna happen.

**Hikari: Fine.**

But I should be allowed to annoy him. Yuki said that he likes to.

**Hikari: Well he is Yuki's cousin, so it's ok for Yuki to annoy him.**

You know what, we are in school, not in the studio, so I am gonna do whatever I want this time.

**Hikari: Ugh.**

* * *

(After school…)

* * *

Yuki: Where is that stupid cat?

Ok, let's go, he obviously isn't coming.

**Hikari: Just wait a little while longer.**

No, I warned him.

**Hikari: Give him five minutes.**

Ugh fine but that's it, five minutes.

* * *

(5 minutes later…)

* * *

He is not here. Can we go?

**Hikari: No I want kitty to come. Kitty!**

Why? He doesn't want to come.

Kyo: Well thank you, but I will decide what I want to do.

Yuki: Well if you wanted to come, why weren't you on time?

Kyo: Forgive me if I didn't want to hang out with a pretty boy a crazy person that thinks I'm a catand some chick with anger management issues.

See I told you he didn't want to come. I can tell already.

Kyo: Tell what?

Oh you don't care what I think do you? It doesn't matter either cause the dude with orange hair is so superior.

Kyo: I know I am better then you and what is wrong with orange hair when your hair is part purple.

I told you kitty is a horrible scaredy-cat that is to afraid to meet new people and... Hey where the hell are you going.

**Hikari: Kitty has to come. I want kitty to come.**

If I get him to come, you owe me.

Yuki: You are a good friend.

That and if I did not get him she would never let me hear the end of it. Any idea where he is going?

Yuki: Probably the dojo he lives in.

Ok so I'll go get him. Hikari you owe me. Get back here you moron!

* * *

(After lots of running, and many wrong turns…)

* * *

Ha I finally found you. So what I was saying before is that, you can dish it out but you can't take it. Well, we can do a show with or without you and if it is without then we get to say more things about you. 

Kyo: What? You think I'm such a bad guy even though you don't know me? If you can do a show without me why did you come to find me? Anyway stop following me.

Why are you afraid? Orange top has an inferiority complex with his cousin and can't let any one in to your life. 

Kyo: Don't you dare put me in the same boat with that damn pretty boy. You know, you will never get a boyfriend if you piss all the guys you know off. (Punch)

What the fuck?! A mime?! Where did he come from? You know if you keep going around punching mimes, then you won't have an active social life either.

**Hikari: Dannie! I saw every thing. I like kitty even more now!**

Ok you think she is weird, so that doesn't count as a friend. Don't look so smug.

**Hikari: Kitty thinks I'm weird? **

Um, yes he said that in front of the school. Why do you like him more?

**Hikari: He punched a mime. Ever since I was 4 I hated mimes. At my birthday party, I was eating my piece of cake, and a mime took it away, and started to eat it, and then he would not leave me alone. He was every where. That is why the economy has become this way.**

Um. Yeah I heard you say that before but um… nice to hear again. (What does that have to do with the economy?) But that is so wrong. He punches a mime, cause he is pissed and I can't be violent? You are so… Ugh! Get back here, orange top. You can't leave, unless you're scared of two girls and a viewing audience.

Kyo: No, but I have a life so bye.

How? All he does is hit things in a dojo. Yeah, that's some life. Oh. I get it, you can't compare to Yuki._ Run to the set and get everything ready. I'll get him there but is might be dangerous._

Kyo: What are you two plotting and what do you mean by that? Where is she going?

Follow her and find out. The insult was because Yuki was on our show. He and Haru were a big hit but hey you can't compare to either of them. What ever Yuki and I can insult you over T.V. I'm sure it will be a fun time.

Kyo: You punk ass. Wait! Get back here! I need to show you why I am so much better then those two idiots.

Catch me if you can cat boy.

Kyo: Don't call me that!

You can't do any thing about it anyway. Hey look we're almost there!

* * *

(In the studio…)

* * *

**Hikari: Here we are again with Yuki on Dr. Dannie. You may ask where is Dr. Dannie. Well she is getting our next guest. Yuki, will you go over there and be ready to lock the glass door? I have a feeling that Dr. Dannie is going to provoke our guest more than the average (Larry= average).**

**Larry: So, I'm not the only one she hates.**

**Hikari: No, she hates a lot of people. She just hates you more than most people.**

**Larry: If I'm not the only one, why did she give me my wallet, that was empty, and my keys that only had my key ring and my key chain? **

**Alexander: Um Dr. Dannie wanted these pies where do I put them.**

**Hikari: Dr. Dannie doesn't eat pie… Oh she is back.**

Hello! It is me If you don't know me you don't watch this show. If you do know me then, Yay you. I have lured the evasive cat like creature that some how is related to Yuki. I don't know how, because they are nothing alike. OH! Here he comes, he is very slow.

Kyo: Get back here you… OW!What is this a wall.

Yuki: You were right this will be fun.

When we talked about, having fun by messing around with others I wasn't lying.

Kyo: Tell me why I'm in here!

I told you. Yuki and I will make fun of you in front of my viewers. Wont this be fun. 

* * *

(At the end of the show…)

* * *

Ok! That puts an end to **The Life and Most embarrassing Times of Kyo Sohma**. Now, Alexander bring out the pies.

**Hikari: B-but you don't even like pie.**

Yuki: I think I know where your going with this.

I knew we became friends for a reason. You understand my fun.

Yuki: Well I know we all can hang out during the summer.

**Hikari: Yay! I get to hang out with Kitty.**

And we get to torment him this will be fun. I have never tortured someone in there own home.

**Larry: Yes you have. I mean you are always mean to me in my house.**

That is because you indirectly gave me the keys to your place. Plus it is fun but I will stop. So here, your keys. 

Kyo: I take that as I have no say in this. Isn't it enough I was taunted on TV and I was ignored when I was cursing you all out… What? You are letting me out?

I'm not that cruel.

**Larry: Yes you are but thank you for my stuff back.**

You can have this too catch. (throws pie)

Yuki: Kyo it's your turn.

Pie fight! Gang up on the stupid cat! (many pies are hitting Kyo)

**Hikari: I do not promote the mistreatment of food let alone delicious fruity pastries. **

Well with that and because there are no more pies, this fight and the show is coming to a conclusion. So Kitty covered in pie!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hikari: Why do you get to say that? I want to!**

Then say it already.

**Hikari: Kitty covered in pie!!!!!!!**

Yuki, Kyo, say good bye to our viewers.

Yuki: Good bye keep watching Dr. Dannie and support the I hate Kyo fan club.

Kyo say good bye! Plus that is real on our web site as of 8:10 tonight 

Kyo: Thanks I feel so popular now. Yeah, bye, whatever.

* * *

Authors Note: Dr. Dannie starts at 7:00 and ends at 8:00 and it is on weekly. It is on channel 0000 If you do not get this channel then I feel sorry for you. You are missing out on a funny show. If you do get it then um you have an experimental TV connection that you are testing for the government. Watch out for mind control and ask for a really big pay check until next time

~Dr. Dannie.


	8. Summer Vacation

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A Guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal)= Whisper or thought_

Summer Vacation

Hurry up! We said we would meet Yuki so that he could take us to his house.

**Hikari: I'm sorry, but I need to make sure I lock up the studio so that even Larry can't get in. I really don't want him to get in.**

Ugh. Just move I'll leave a note. Give me some paper.

**Hikari: Okay, here you go. What are you going to say?**

Don't worry about it they will know what to do when they read it. I'll just put it here on the door where they'll see it.

**Hikari: Alright then, lets go I guess.**

(At the school…)

Hey Yuki.

Yuki: Hi. Are you two ready to go?

Yeah.

**Hikari: I can't wait to see your house!**

Yuki: Ok. Lets go then.

(On the way there…)

Yuki: Oh yeah, just to warn you, Kyo will probably be there, and it's my cousin Shigure's house so you'll see him too.

**Hikari: KITTY!!**

No Kyo! Not kitty.

**Hikari: B-but…**

No, no buts. Stop being an idiot.

Yuki: Ok we're here.

**Hikari: Kitty?**

No!

Yuki: How about a tour?

Sure, why not.

**Hikari: Is Kitty gonna be on this tour?**

Yuki: Um, maybe.

Don't you dare answer to that. It isn't his name.

Yuki: I don't mind. I don't use his name much anyway. I like stupid cat better though…

Oh, just forget it. Let's take the tour.

**Hikari: Yay! Kitty.**

Yuki: Ok follow me.

(Later in the tour…)

Yuki: And this is the kitchen.

?: Oh, hello Yuki. Who are your friends?

Yuki: They're just friends from school. Dannie, Hikari, this is Shigure.

**Hikari: Hi.**

Yo.

Shigure: Hello. I didn't know that Yuki had friends as beautiful as you two.

**Hikari: Hehehe**

Are you a pervert or something?

Yuki: _She's seen straight through him._

Shigure: Whatever are you thinking. Why would Yuki introduce you high school girls to a pervert?

Yuki: Because you live here.

Shigure: Would you like me to take you stuff?

Umm no thanks.

Yuki: Don't you dare try anything with them.

(PUNCH!)

Shigure: OW! Why did you punch me?…_I think I'm seeing pandas._

Yuki: Come on. Let's just go to my room to put your stuff down.

Ok, that sounds better.

**Hikari: Sorry Shigure-san. I know your on the floor in pain, and normally I would help, but my mommy told me not to touch perverts.**

Hikari, hurry up.

**Hikari: Coming! Nice to meet you Shigure-san. Here's our card, come to the studio sometime.**

(At the studio…)

**Larry: Hurry up! We'll be late.**

**Alexander: I would, but Steve won't move any faster.**

**Larry: Steve??**

**Alexander: Yes Steve. He's my monkey. He's right…**

**STEVE! Where are you?**

**Larry: Yeah well good luck with your monkey. Hey look a note!**

Dear loser and Alexander,

As you can see, we are not here. This means that you are unsupervised. If you are as slow as I know you are I'll explain. Your are not allowed in the studio unless your IQ is higher than your shoe size, but this only applies to Larry. Too bad Alexander can't go in either, because you have no way to. I took your studio keys last week. 

**Alexander: Hey, my keys really aren't here. How come I didn't notice? What else does it say?**

Ha! I know you just checked and discovered that I was right. So anyway, have a nice life.

**Larry: Haha! I keep a spare key. I finally got her back. OH NO!**

**Alexander: What is it ?**

**Larry : Look another note. It says:**

You thought I didn't know about the spare key. Hahaha.

**Alexander: Aw. She got you again. **

**Larry: I'm going to try and pick the lock.**

**Alexander: Okay. Oh! Steve you're back. Hey, what is that you have there? My key? You're the greatest Steve! Larry! Steve found my key that went missing last week.**

**Larry: You had a key the whole time?! **

**Alexander: No my monkey had it.**

**Larry: Just don't speak to me.**

(At Yuki's house…)

Yuki: So that's my room.

Cool house!

**Hikari: Yeah it is so big! Where is kitty?**

Don't start that again. If you do he'll probably show up and I don't wanna deal with him. Plus, he is standing right behind me right?

(SMACK)

Kyo : That is what you get for…. Wait what are you doing here?!?!?!?

See what did I tell you? Now I'm annoyed and you…

(PUNCH)

…First don't touch me when you know I can kick your ass.

Kyo: …N-

Second don't interrupt and third we were invited.

Kyo: OK! Well now you're uninvited so leave.

Make us!

**Hikari: KITTY!!!**

(Hug)

(POOF!)

(At the studio…)

**Larry: Yay we're in! Ok now I need to check if my homework is still on the computer. I finished it for the whole year! Here we go. Wait! NO!**

**Alexander: There's another note on the computer?**

Hey thanks for my homework! For the rest of the year! Oops! Did I delete the file when I started to type this? Oh well. I'm sure it didn't take you that long. Also, if you are reading this you are in the studio. I don't know how you did it but you will get a punishment. :D

**Larry: Damn her! Alexander!**

**Alexander: Come on, Steve where are you? I have a gummy bear in my room for you. Well I did. Oh, there you are! You ate all my gummy bears! STEVE! Wait! where are you going now? **

**Larry: Where did Alexander go? Oh, there you are. Whoa you did have a monkey. Hi monkey! Wait what are you doing? W-wait no! AHHH!**

(At Yuki's place…)

Where the hell did all this smoke come from?

**Hikari: I don't know where did kitty go?**

Yuki: Again! You had to go and do it again! Moron!

Ok, what the hell? Yuki? What is that? AH!

Yuki: Dannie? What happened?

(POOF)Sorry Yuki I tripped on something. I couldn't see with all the smoke… Yuki? Where did you go?

Kyo: You yell at me then you go and do it.

Yuki: Well if you didn't trip her, I wouldn't have.

**Hikari: The smoke's clearing up.**

Where did they go? Why are their clothes on the ground?

**Hikari: Where is kitty!?**

(POOF)

UM!

**Hikari: Ew!**

(Tohru walks in)

Tohru: Ack! Um, you-you're here! Uh that smoke was-was um… It was…

They transformed into animals.

**Hikari: Yep we saw it.**

And then they transformed back… naked.

**Hikari: Uh-huh. Disturbing, but we definitely saw it.**

Tohru: N-no you didn't. You just ah…

Yuki: They already know. It's no use.

Shigure: What is going on up here? Oh, so that's why you wanted them to visit. I get it now.

You really are a pervert. Yuki just to tell you. We already knew.

Everyone: GASP! Since when?

**Hikari: Since we saw Tohru trip and fall into Kyo and Yuki one day after school. **

Yuki: That was a while ago. At least they didn't tell everybody in the world on their TV show. I think we can trust them.

Thank you!

Kyo: Leave now and if you tell anybody…

Yeah, yeah we know, you'll kill us. I am not scared of you stupid cat. We'll just go. Bye everyone.

**Hikari: Bye everyone. Bye-bye Kitty.**

Kyo: Why does she specify me?

Yuki: How come I never met someone that hates you as much as I do before?

Shigure: Ah young love! This is the kind of thing you boys can only dream about. You two should not waist this chance. _So I can have Tohru all to myself._

(Double PUNCH)

Shigure: I'm seeing pandas again. Hehehe and that blue one has a name tag. It says: hello my name is not Fred hehe. That's funny. Oh wait. That's not blue. It's indigo.

(Outside of the studio…)

You should be warned that they got in somehow.

**Hikari: Wait how do you know that?**

**Larry: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!**

HAHAHAHA! I guess Larry got my present.

**Hikari: You're present? Will you get sued? Will I be involved? You know, as the producer, I have to deal with your legal issues, and I don't want to have to bail you out of prison.**

Come on. You should already know that the police can never prove that I did it. I mean, come on, did you forget the other kid that was before Larry. The one with that weird name.

**Hikari: Oh yeah. Motoku-kun. They still didn't prove that was you?**

Nope. I'm just that good. Anyway lets go admire my handy work.

**Larry: Get it off! Get if off me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Alexander: Steve stop that! Steve!**

**Hikari: Um, when did Alexander become bipolar and what did Larry do to piss the monkey off?**

**Larry: Ok I am being attacked by a monkey! Ask the questions later, and help me.**

Hey wanna go get some Chinese food? 

**Hikari and ****Alexander****: Sure!**

**Larry: Aren't you forgetting something?**

I don't think so… 

**Hikari: No he's right. Do you want us to bring you a fortune cookie?**

**Larry: NO! I want the monkey to stop attacking me!!**

**Hikari: Oh yeah, that.**

**Larry: How could you forget?**

Because you don't matter! How could you forget that?

**Hikari: Well, as fun as this is for you, stop the monkey.**

Haru: Don't, it's funny.

**Hikari: When did you get here? And stop the monkey.**

Jellybean!

**Hikari: What?!**

Hey, Haru, like my trick? Feed the monkey gummy bears and it goes berserk.

Haru: That is priceless. Where did you get the monkey, and how did you train it?

I got him on the internet and I know a guy.

Haru: Awesome!

I know right! I told you, you were gonna get punished Larry. Haru, do you wanna come get Chinese food with us?

Haru: Sure!

On that note We will leave you with this message Never piss off a girl with connections. Bye!

**A note from your producer: I know we didn't technically interview anyone, so we can call this a filler. Next time, we might actually get back to work. Also, to our dear faithful viewers, please visit ********http://drdannie(dot)webs(dot)com/** **for more fun. We are still building the site, but if you guys have any suggestions we would love to hear from you. See ya!**


	9. Shigure and Hatori

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined****= Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A Guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought_

Shigure and Hatori

Shigure: Well, you two should call them back. We need to see if they can keep their memories. Tell them today, but let me call the main house first to see if Hatori should come.

(At the Studio…)

Ring Ring Ring

Damn it! Where is my phone? Oh! There it is! Hello? 

Yuki: Hello Dannie. It's Yuki. Um, I wanted to ask if Larry and Alexander know about our… secret.

No they don't.

Yuki: Ok then. Could you and Hikari come over today as soon as possible?

I can let me ask Hikari. Hey, Hikari can you go to Yuki's house with me today?

**Hikari: Oh! So that's who called. Sure, nothing's on the schedule today anyway.**

**Larry: Um, yes there is, you were listing my ideas for the next show.**

Right, ok Hikari, lets discuss the idea.

**Hikari/ Dr. Dannie: Rejected!!!**

**Larry: Wait, why? I thought it was a good idea to do a show on the many implications of the word **_**blah**_**.**

**Alexander: Greetings people of Dr. Dannie. What are you doing?**

**Larry: We were discussing the next show. It will be on the implication…**

**Alexander: No! Nothing good can come of the word implication, when a boring person says it.**

Do you even know what the word implication means?

**Alexander: I have no clue but it sounds boring and, Larry said it, so it must be true.**

Ok that settles that. Larry will never talk when we are trying to think of subjects for the show. Now, Hikari join me on my journey to the Sohma house again.

**Hikari: Ok? **

And we are off. Alexander, remember not to feed the moron. If you do he won't shut up.

**Alexander: Ok, Dr. Dannie.**

**Larry: What do you mean, ok? I thought we were friends. How do you get off by letting her insult me?**

**Alexander: She hired me, and the insults are funny.**

(At the Sohma house…)

Knock Knock

We came by upon request.

Yuki: Hi, please come in. We all need to discuss things with you.

**Hikari: Ok.**

**(**In the kitchen…)

Shigure: Now I wonder what will happen when there is a drunken Yuki a drunken Kyo, plus two drunken girls. Hehehe. I just hope it doesn't destroy my house. Here you go. I got you all drinks, aren't I so kind.

Yuki: What did you do to them?

**Hikari: Tastes fine to me.**

Hmm. It seems ok and it tastes great! Thank you Shigure.

(Later…)

Wait a minute! I know why this tastes so good! You spiked it.

**Hikari: Oh no, not the fancy water again.**

Shigure: What? You must be joking. Why would I do that to my guests?

Yuki/Kyo: Because you are a pervert.

Kyo: I'm going to kill you Shigure. Whoa! Um, maybe after I sit down for a bit.

The last time I was drunk I threw chairs out a window with Haru.

Shigure: NO! Not my house!

You should have thought of that before you got me drunk.

Yuki: She has a point.

Kyo: You're just saying that because you love her.

Yuki: No! I mean it he is a moron.

**Hikari: Kitty!!!!!!**

(Hug)

Oh great a drunk cat! That's just what we need.

(Later…)

Wow! Who knew we could all get sober in an hour.

Kyo: Is that even possible?

**Hikari: Not really… Where's Google when you need it?**

Kyo: Try typing, 'how long does it take to get sober?'

You're just pissed because, when you turned back, you got beat up by a drunken girl.

**Hikari: No fighting! You're in somebody's house. Be polite.**

I don't care. We aren't on the set, so I can kick his ass whenever I want.

Kyo: That wouldn't have happened if I was sober. Come on, try me now.

Yuki: You were fighting just like you do normally.

(Ding dong)

**Hikari: Thank God, a distraction.**

Yay more company.

Yuki: Coming! Hello Hatori. Please come in.

Hatori: You look well Yuki, are they the two girls you called about?

Yuki: Yes.

Hello my name is Dannie.

**Hikari: Hi I'm Hikari.**

Yuki: They are the girls that run the show Dr. Dannie.

Hatori: Doctor? Aren't you a little young to be a doctor?

Yes, yes I am.

Hatori: Ok then what kind of show is it?

**Hikari: It is like a talk show but is seems to be mostly Sohmas coming on.**

Hatori: You mean the one Ayame was on.

Oh! You're talking about the guy that tried to make us wear dresses. Yeah, he was on. How did you know?

Hatori: He calls me every time it is on. So I watched your show, but I never knew what it was called. So how long have you known about the Sohma secret?

**Hikari: Maybe since Ayame came on the show.**

Hatori: That was a few weeks ago. I guess you can be trusted.

Thank you.

Hatori: I am impressed with you two. Two girls can't usually create their own talk show and produce it.

**Hikari: You know, you can be on the show if you want.**

Shigure: I wanna be on it too. It's not fair that Aya and Tori got to go on.

**Hikari: Ok you can both be on the show. How about right now?**

Or maybe you need to get back to work, doctor.

Hatori: How did you know I was a doctor?

Your shoe's the knot it the laces is a knot commonly used by doctors.

Hatori: Ok… sure. I don't have to go back to work though.

Shigure: Let me just make a call first.

( In a different room)

Ayame: Hello?

Shigure: Aya?

Ayame: The one and only.

Shigure: Tori-san and I are going to be on that show.

Ayame: Dr. Dannie. Ah, yes when?

Shigure: Now.

Ayame: I will meet you there. Oh, Shigure?

Shigure: Yes?

Ayame: Don't cheat on me while we are apart.

Shigure: Why would I do a thing like that?

Ayame: Alright!

Shigure: Alright!

(At the Studio…)

**Larry: Oh. You guys are back… with people. Does this mean we have to work today?**

Don't be so rude you idiot, and if you already know you have to work why don't you get started.

**Larry: Fine, you don't have to be so mean about it.**

Also, Alexander, you should get back to work too… doing whatever we pay you to do.

**Alexander: I'm mostly here for emotional support and comedic relief.**

Great, then keep doing that.

**Larry: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!! You are only here for f***ing emotional support and you still get paid more than me?!**

(Notice: Broadcasting decided we need some censors on set… if u see anymore ***'s go to the company and complain… if you can find out who runs channel 0000.)

**Hikari: Oops. Did I accidentally write a bigger check for the guy who doesn't work?**

**Larry: I hate all of you people.**

Ok, goodbye Larry. Have fun with the lights. Showtime!

**Hikari: Before we start I have a request.**

What is it?

**Hikari: Requesting permission to insert subliminal messaging into the show at random times.**

**Larry: Huh?**

Oh, you don't understand Larry. Subliminal messages are like advertisements that kind of brainwash people into doing things.

**Larry: I understand! I just wanted to know why.**

**Hikari: Oh, well there are some things I want to advertise **_**and to prevent our inevitable debt some people are paying me to advertise their products.**_** Since we don't have commercials, I figure I can just insert them into the show.**

Well I guess it will be ok. Just don't interfere with the interview too much.

**Hikari: Great! Everybody take your seats. We are starting in 5…4…3…2…1 action!**

Hello everybody. Today we have two more Sohmas. This is Shigure, and he is Hatori. 

Shigure: Hi everybody.

Hatori: Hello.

So, Hatori, you're a doctor right?

Hatori: Yes I am.

Oh… What? A cue card? We never have those. Um, apparently you can tell me more about that while we hear a word from our sponsor. Oh wait, sorry, it's not really a sponsor.

**--- You're show will continue momentarily ---**

**Like Dr. Dannie?! Well then you will love the website. The same amount of fun and double the hilarity. Plus chat with the doctor. Even ask your own questions for Dannie to answer. Website includes Hikari, Larry, and Alexander. Note: Larry is not returnable, he comes with the package. **

**--- We now return to your scheduled programming ---**

Ok, so I guess we are back. I just heard all about Hatori's job which we don't have time to repeat for you. Let's move on to Shigure. I heard that you are a novelist.

Shigure: That's correct.

I also heard that you are perverted.

Shigure: No!

You are a perverted novelist.

Shigure: Absolutely not!

And your novels are all about perverted things.

Shigure: Where are you getting all this false information?

Let's just say I have my sources. Hahah-

**--- You're show will continue momentarily ---**

**Buy our fish tacos. Now with added, processed, unknown meats and less real fish. Did it even have fish in the first place? Who knows! That's the best part, the mystery and adventure that comes with eating them. Also try our new Vegetarian Fish Tacos. Who the hell knows what's in them? Yay! Possible side effects include, but are not reserved to: heartburn, excessive perspiration and precipitation, stroke, heart attack, extreme drowsiness, disrespectful attitudes, loneliness, random outbursts, and feeling all possible emotions at the same time until you want to commit suicide.**

**--- We now return to your scheduled programming ---**

Ok, I guess that means we are back again. Since the viewers missed almost everything, I think we should do a short recap. Would you like to start Shigure?

Shigure: Alright. So Hatori is a doctor and I am a non-perverted novelist.

_You just keep telling yourself that._

Shigure: Oh and I'd like to make a shout out to Aya. Wish you were up here with us.

What? No, there are no shout outs on this show.

Shigure: Oh and why not make a shout out to my publisher, who loves me so much, and Akito too. He-

**--- You're show will continue momentarily ---**

**BK now has a drive through and we are heavily advertising every movie that we can. Come to BK for your grilled burger and apple fries. When you go to pick them up you are required to tip Hank. He is the guy in the yellow poncho that will hand you your food. If you don't see him then your BK is broken. While you're here don't forget you're cheap plastic memorabilia that you will probably throw away or use as a dust collector.**

**--- We now return to your scheduled programming ---**

Oh My God!!

**Hikari: What?**

You know what!

**Hikari: Well you have to admit, that one was pretty short.**

Compared to WHAT?!

**Hikari: Um, the other 10 we have left...**

That's it! Shows over! Sorry advertising people, we tried our hardest.

**Hikari: Um, ok, it seems I have made her explode. **_**More information for commercials is available at the end of the show.**_

Stop it! Well sorry viewers. We tried to have a show but the sponsors took over. Next time we will find a new way to get money instead of dealing with this CRAP!

**Hikari: Dannie, the censoring…**

* * *

F*** the D*** censoring. Viewers you better find out who the h*** does the censoring and ******* kill them. That and who the h*** want to listen to the ******* advertisements support the **** the advertisements and you can send us money if you want to put an end to all non-show related ****. GOODBYE!

* * *

**--Producer's Note: Disclaimer: We do not own BK, or any movie memorabilia, and we definitely do NOT eat fish tacos… well Larry might… he probably does… he eats everything else in the world… any way – but we do own ****http://drdannie(dot)webs(dot)com**** Well we made it anyway, we never actually bought it. So… yeah, visit us, and don't forget to tune in weekly (or more like monthly, or just sometimes) for our show.**


	10. The Mabudachi Trio

**Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.**

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A Guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought_

The Mabudachi Trio (Shigure, Ayame, and Hatori)

(At the Studio…)

**Hikari: Hey, Dannie, do you think we should redo the interview with Shigure and Hatori? You know, because of the commercials.**

Yeah I guess we should invite them over. I'll go to the office and make sure Larry and Alexander are obedient while we're gone. You go call Yuki. Wait! There won't be more commercials right?

**Hikari: Well I can't really make any promises, but I'm sure there wont be many…**

Hikari…

**Hikari: I'll take care of it. No worries.**

Fine. You better take care of it.

(In the Office…)

Hey, dumb ass! I'm leaving you and Alexander here. Since I don't have time to force you out, because we have to tape the show today, watch the place and don't let anyone in. We'll be back in a little while, so get ready to do you're job.

**Larry: Fine. You don't gotta be so mean about it.**

Now why wouldn't I be mean about it? I'm leaving with Hikari now, remember don't let anyone in.

**Larry: Yeah, yeah.**

(Outside the Studio…)

**Hikari: You told Larry.**

Yep, let's go.

**Hikari: Yuki said that we can just stop by. He's sure that Shigure won't mind doing it again.**

Ok, and what about Hatori?

**Hikari: Shigure will probably convince him.**

Alright let's go.

(At the Sohma House…)

Ding Dong

Yuki: Hello?

Hey Yuki, we're here to see Shigure.

Yuki: Actually already told him you were coming, and then he called Hatori right away.

Shigure: Oh, you girls are here. Let's get going. Ha-san will meet us there.

**Hikari: Um… sure, let's go then.**

Yuki: Wait! Shigure. Remember not to be stupid since I won't be there this time.

Shigure: Oh, don't worry Yuki. I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself.

Yuki: Sure you can, even though you know Hatori will be the one taking care of you.

I completely agree I am capable of it but I just don't feel like taking care of him today hopefully Hatori can help us.

Shigure: Let's Go Girls!

**Hikari: Wait up Shigure-san!**

_Sigh, this is going to be a very long day._

(In Front of the Studio…)

Shigure: Ha-san!

Hatori: …

Have you been waiting long?

Hatori: Not at all. I just got here.

**Hikari: That's good. Let's go inside.**

Yeah, I'm not really confident that my threats worked on Larry.

(Inside the Studio…)

**Hikari: Larry! Alex!**

You guys better be here doing what I told you!

?: Hello, hello everyone! Welcome back!

Who was that?

Hatori: …

Shigure: Wait a minute, I know that voice.

**Hikari: Gasp! Could it be Kitty!?**

(Smack!)

**Hikari: OW!**

Of course not dumb ass! Why would he be here?

**Hikari: Just taking a guess. You don't have to hit me, **_**sniffle**_**.**

?: I missed you all so much. I just had to come back here to do another show.

Shigure: Aya! What are you doing here?

LARRY!

**Larry: Uh, yes?**

What is Ayame doing here?

**Larry: I don't know. He just stopped by earlier. He said he was bored and needed something to do.**

Ok, maybe you don't remember. I think I specifically told you 'watch the place and don't let anyone in.'

**Larry: Oh, um well, I thought if it was one of the Sohmas you wouldn't mind.**

Maybe you need to learn how to follow directions.

(Knuckles Crack)

**Hikari: Dannie, no violence in front of guests!**

Ugh. Fine. Excuse us for a moment while we have a chat in the office.

(In the Office…)

**Larry: OW! Dannie, come on! I didn't really do anything that bad! OW, my arm!**

Ok, I think we're done here. Let's go back Larry.

**Larry: Yes ma'am, but do you mind if we swing by the hospital before the show starts?**

No way! You will go to the hospital on your own time, after you do your job.

**Larry: Yes ma'am.**

(In the Studio…)

**Hikari: Well that sure was um, fast. Is Larry ok though.**

**Larry: No, no I am n…**

Did I give you permission to talk Larry?

**Larry: No ma'am.**

**Hikari: Um, ok, let's move on and start the show then.**

Shigure: Can Aya be on the show with us today. Please?! We can be the Mabudachi Trio again, just like the old days.

**Hikari: Well, it couldn't hurt…**

Alright fine, you can be on too. Just as long as we can actually finish the show this time…

**Hikari: We will I promise. Ok, Larry, lights please! Alex… um, do whatever it is you do please.**

**Alexander: Roger!**

Ok let's get the show started. Everybody, take your seats. Now we have a show you just can't miss. Do you want to know why well that's easy you cant find the remote again so you need to watch this show. I have been informed that the manager for the show, you know, the asshole that censored us, and added all those commercials, has changed his mind. I applaud the creativity used in that situation, while at the same time, am giving no clues to what happened. _Check the reviews._

**Hikari: And thanks to AkaVixen for helping us out.**

So now without commercials thankfully we have the Mabudachi trio. Hatori, where are the other dos, to make the trio? 

Hatori: They said something about an entrance and took Alex with them.

**Hikari: Omg! Alex is going to actually do work!!**

He has before he supplied props, that required Larry to clean the studio on more than one occasion.

**Hikari: **_**Oh right I forgot all about the "fancy water."**_

So I guess this will be turned into your interview Hatori. So first question! How did you put up with those two in school?

Hatori: Do you want the real answer, or a funny one?

Surprise us.

Hatori: I tuned them out until I was able to go to medical school. I choose to become a doctor so no one else would have to put up with idiots like that. Sadly I haven't found a complete cure to increase intelligence yet.

You missed one idiot. Larry come out here!

**Larry: I'd rather not.**

Ok I'm sorry. Did I make that sound like an option, because I believe I told you to come here. NOW!

Hatori: It's ok, I can see him later.

See, what a helpful man. Thank you. After that, your mission would be half over.

**Hikari: Why only half?**

He still did not cure the idiots he has to deal with. 

(Lights become dim and music starts to play)

What in the world???????

**Alexander: Now if you would turn your attention toward the door.**

(Door opens, red carpet rolls out, two figures appear, and confetti falls)

**Hikari: When they said they were going to make an entrance, they weren't lying.**

Speak of idiots and they shall come. Great Larry, before you see Hatori, make sure you clean up the confetti.

**Larry: Yes ma'am.**

See, Hikari, I told you sending him to obedience school would pay off.

Ayame: Hello darlings! Hello Ha-san! I know you all must be so glad to see me again and I come bearing gifts.

**Hikari: Is my gift Kitty?????**

Ayame: No I come bearing gifts of fashion. I remembered how much you loved the dress I made before, so here, look at the one I designed just for you. For Ha-san I have made my special tea.

Shigure: Hi everyone. Aya do I get some tea????? Pleaseeee!!!! Ha-san, you are so mean. Share the tea.

Wait a minute why didn't I get a present?

Ayame: But you did. The present of my presence on the show. You get to see the Mabudachi trio in action again.

I prefer when it was the Mabudachi uno a few minutes ago. At least it's not a dress I would never wear it any way. 

Ayame: Well since you brought up my dresses I guess you can have this to. I believe it is more to your liking then the last one. Now you girls must go try them on post haste.

Hatori, if I ignore him, is there a chance I won't need to wear the dress?

Hatori: In this situation it is best to get it over with or he will keep bugging you.

Hatori, when we are done with the show can I help you try to fix them? I barely know them, yet I can't handle an hour show with them.

Hatori: _We'll start Saturday_. Now go on before he notices you are not in the dress already.

**Hikari: This dress is even better then the last one but I still would have liked to see kitty. (Pouts)**

Get over it. With any luck, Kitty and Yuki will see this, and come rescue us from the idiots over there. How the hell is Hatori still sane?

Ayame: Well my, my, you girls look lovely now to call my little brother and Kyonichi to come over here this instant.

Shigure: Why do that, Aya? Then we can have them all to our selves. Right Ha-san? Hmmm who do you like better hmm. Oh Ha-san I bet I know what you're thinking.

Hatori: Don't you dare put me on the same level as you Shigure. You girls look nice in those.

Ayame: Nice! Nice! They look better then nice! Ha-san why do you hurt me so?

**Hikari: thanks for the dress Ayame… even though I wont really wear it, it's still pretty.**

Yeah, whatever. At least this one is black.

Ayame: See, Hatori, even Dannie appreciates it. You saw how she acted before, and now you see, this proves I am the best at what I do.

(Ayame and Shigure in the Office…)

Shigure: Aya, our plan is working perfectly.

Ayame: Was there any doubt Gure-san? Now to initiate part two!

(In the mean time)

**Hikari: I guess this counts as a show. We interviewed Hatori and that is more then what we have done in a while so…**

So now that the show is over I can get out of this dress. Plus, mission accomplished, we actually did a show, Larry was not to much of a moron, and our other guests have vanished again. Part of me wants to lock all the doors, and be grateful that there is only sane people in this room, but I can't help but feel we should be worried Hikari.

**Hikari: You're right we should be worried. They could have wondered into the street and gotten hit by a car.**

Hatori: They are grown men I highly doubt that happened.

Hatori, this would solve so many problems if it did happen so don't crush my hopes, or make me prove you wrong because, in a way there would be no evidence to prove I did it.

**Hikari: Oh great we're back on the subject of crime.**

Hatori: Hmm I like the way you think.

**Hikari: What!? Don't agree with her.**

I knew it!!!!! There was no possible way anyone could put up with that and not want to hurt them. Well anyway…

Ayame: Were back every one!!!!!

Oh joy.

Hatori: Dannie, I changed my mind. We should start looking for a way to fix them immediately.

Are you sure we can't go with the previously mentioned plan of them being hit by a car?

Hatori: That can be the backup plan.

YAY!! Now as I was saying before….

Ayame: Yes, everyone, you have seen my dresses and now you know you can come to my shop and buy any one that you like.

GOD DAMMIT! Let me finish, and no advertising your dress shop on our show!

**Hikari: But, meow mix ****is**** allowed to advertise on out show. So brought to you by our sponsors, and in honor of kitty, the meow mix song…**

**--- You're show will continue momentarily ---**

Meow meow meow meow,

meow meow meow meow,

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow;

meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow,

meow meow meow meow meow

**--- We now return to your scheduled programming ---**

**Hikari: But, meow mix, just like all cat foods, is not meant for people. Trust me, it's probably disgusting, and maybe even poisonous to you. SO ONLY BUY IT FOR YOUR CAT. I'm going to go get some for Kitty. Maybe I'll get to see him next time, bye.**

Hikari…

**Hikari: Well sorry, but we needed a little money. Next week I'll start selling Larry's organs, or get married to someone with a rich uncle, maybe Alex will have to go into prostitution. Don't you worry, we will get the money somehow without commercials, even if Larry goes into kidney failure and dies.**

Ok, do whatever you have to, just as long as we don't get canceled.

**(Angry Stare)**

See you all next week, hopefully Hatori and I will find the cure for stupidity.

**Producer's Note: Yes look forward to that. Wonder what part two of Ayame's and Shigure's plan is. Wonder how I even know about that. The answers will be on the next edition of Dr. Dannie, but there will probably be more questions then answers. I figure that because I had a pole and 96% of viewers said and I quote "What in the world is this show about? When I watch it all that comes to mind is many questions." The most common question was, "When did my TV get channel 0000?" Well like I said some answers are bound to be answered eventually on Dr. Dannie. Also we do not own, buy, or eat meow mix, my cat likes Friskies (which we also do not own). OH WAIT WE DON'T EAT FRISKIES EITHER!!**


	11. Kagura

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A Guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought _

Kagura

(At the Studio…)

Hikari, I'm bored! Why is there never anything to do?

**Hikari: Why don't you go read, or go outside and play or, climb a tree? **

What am I, 5? Go outside and play, great idea that will surely cure my boredom for all of 1 minute. Secondly read? Do I look like Larry? He reads enough for everyone in this room. And thirdly, why the hell would I want to climb a tree. I don't climb trees!

**Hikari: Somebody told me to do that once, when they wanted me gone, so I thought it might be a good idea for you.**

**Larry: Can you please stop yelling? I am trying to read.**

I have proved my point. Well, we are all at the studio, so we should do a show. That usually fixes all problems with boredom.

**Larry: One problem. We don't have a guest.**

Hey, Larry what are you reading?

**Larry: A book from the library. Why do you care?**

I care, because if I did this to a book you own it would not be as fun.

**Larry: Do what?**

(Takes out water gun and fires at the book)

**Larry: Hey, where did that come from? I'm drenched, but the book is dry. I finally beat you. Hahaha.**

**Alexander: Hi guys. Sorry I'm late. Ow, oh sorry Larry.**

(Larry is knocked down the book was tossed up into the air. The water gun fires and the book is now wet. Book falls onto Larry's face)

When will you learn, you never win. Thanks Alexander.

**Alexander: Good shooting.**

Thank you. However, the nerd is right, we have no guest. I'm sure we will get someone soon, because that always happens.

(The sound of running echoes in the studio and the door is being opened to revel……)

**Hikari: ****KITTTTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

See, I am almost never wrong.

**Hikari: **_**I think that's just how shows like this naturally work.**_

What are you doing here I thought you hated this place and me.

Kyo: need place… to hide…

Breathe first, and then explain I have no patience to figure out what you are saying.

Kyo: I was on my way to the dojo, and then she saw me I had to get away. It was faster to come here, than to go home.

Here, I thought you were warming up to me. Well if you plan to stay here you need to make yourself useful and be on a show.

**Hikari: KITTY!!! Oh wait I'll be right back**

Kyo: …

**Hikari: I got you a present.**

Kyo: See, be more like her. She is nice, insane, but nice…You got me meow mix? You got me cat food!

**Hikari: First of all, I'm not insane. Second, I have more, here.**

Kyo: A green collar, and… Oh it's a martial arts manga. Cool, thanks I guess. Oh wait what's this box with holes in it… A CAT!! You got me a cat!?!? I don't want a cat.

**Hikari: Merry Christmas! I can't believe the cat food didn't tip you off.**

Kyo: First of all, it's supposed to be almost September in this show since we're not following the flow of real time, and second, I thought the cat food was for me.

**Hikari: Please, I'm not that insane…**

You could at least say thank you if she went through that much trouble to get it all.

Kyo: I don't want this cat!!

**Hikari: Ugh, fine, I'll just take it back to my house. Let me bring it to the office, Larry can watch it.**

Still want me to be like her sure I'll give it a try. KITTY!!!! Is that better? You know, if you watched the show she said she was going to give you some meow mix. I didn't know about the cat though, but it pays to pay attention.

Kyo: You're a bitch.

Thank you! Who are you hiding from?

(Loud banging on door)

God, calm down! I'm coming.

Kyo: NOOOOOOO! I have got to hide.

(Door is opened a crack and some girl rushes in knocking Dannie down)

?: KYOOOOOOOOOO? Are you in here?

Who the hell are you? Watch where you going! 

? : Oh I'm sorry. I thought I saw Kyo and then I thought I heard him here, so I had to go look. I'm Kagura Sohma.

**Hikari: Hello Kagura I'm Hikari. That is Dannie. The little kid over there is Alexander. Lastly, the dork that is wet is Larry.**

**Larry: Why was I introduced last?**

Yeah, Hatori and I should not have cut the parts of your brain and sold them to medical schools, but at least there will be no commercials today. RIGHT HIKARI?

**Hikari: HEHEHE **

So Larry in case you forgot and so you remember in the future YOU DON'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hikari where is Kyo?

Kagura: You mean he is here? Kyo?

**Hikari: Kitty is in the office with other kitty, and don't run around breaking our studio. Dannie already does that with many other guests.**

Haha you sound like Shigure.

**Hikari: NOOOOOOOOOOO! I must go disinfect myself.**

Kagura: Studio? Guests?

Hikari is busy, so I guess I have to explain. We should really make a video or recording of this for future guests. Well Hikari and I make a TV show called Dr. Dannie. I am supposed to interview guests and help them with their problems. Hikari is the producer, Larry is the person that works lights, and Alexander was hired to replace Larry when I broke his arm. Larry insisted on working so now he does odd jobs around here. Plus most of our guests are part of your family. All of them, well almost all, were Sohmas.

**Hikari: That about sums it up. Dannie, you're right, this is, what, the 11th time we have explained this to someone.**

11 episodes, so it should be 11 times. Got that Larry it is now your job to make a recording, presentation or video to explain that.

**Hikari: Dannie, you forgot something. Larry is also our tech stooge.**

He can be your stooge, I want no part of him.

**Alexander: Ooh, can I have him? Can I have him? I will buy him a bed, and he can sleep next to Steve, and I will feed him and play with him.**

**Hikari: I don't really care, I'll be busy with my new kitty.**

You can have him on two conditions. One, you need to tell Steve to attack him every day, remember the training? Second we need 200 dollars.

**Hikari: We really should ask for a permission form from his paren… Ow**

That is 200 dollars toward the anti-commercial fund so shut up.

**Larry: I'll do the explanation thing before next show. No Alex you can't have me, I am not a pet. **

**Hikari: Larry, shut up and you get a Larry snack.**

**Larry: Fine, but this time I want a lemon flavor, the head phone flavor tastes like plastic, and only because I am really hungry.**

You will get what we give you, and when aren't you hungry? Oh, I'm sorry Kagura, we completely forgot about you... Where did she go? Sohmas just love doing that to me don't they?

Kagura: Come back here, Kyo!

Kyo: NEVER!!

Kagura: YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME!!

Kyo: I can hide!

**Hikari: Oh, here he comes.**

Kyo: MOVE!

You don't have to be rude, dumbass!Kyo: Got anywhere I can hide?

Go to the office. It will lock when you close the door.

**Alexander: Hey, there's no lo…**

**Dannie and Hikari: Shhh!!**

Kyo: Thanks!

Well this should be fun.

Kagura: Hey, did you guys see Kyo?

**Dannie and Hikari: Office!**

Kagura: Thanks! I think we'll be great friends.

I do too.

**Hikari: Why are you two grinning so much?**

We understand each other.

**Hikari: Whatever…**

Kagura: I'm gonna go get Kyo then.

Then we can finally start the show.

Kagura: KYO!!

Kyo: AHHH!!

Kagura: I can't BELIEVE you tried to hide from ME!!

Kyo: NO! Kagura, NO! Please! I'm sorry!

Kagura: TOO LATE!

Kyo: AHHH!!

I think she got him.

**Hikari: I concur.**

Kagura: Um, I think he's unconscious.

It's alright. We don't need him to be awake. Just prop him up in a chair or something.

Kagura: Ok.

Hikari!

**Hikari: Yes!?**

Camera!

**Hikari: Larry!**

**Larry: Yes?**

**Hikari: Lights!**

Ok, now that everybody's in their places, let's begin!

**Hikari: Action!**

Hello everyone! Welcome to Dr. Dannie! Today's guest is another one of the Sohmas, Kagura! _Kyo's also here too._

Kagura: Hi everybody!

**Hikari: And we will hear more from Kagura right after this commercial break.**

HIKARI!!

**Hikari: Hehehe!**

**--- You're show will continue momentarily ---**

**Ever need to scratch your back, but your hands have been tied up? Ever think, I wish I could reach that piece of cake over there, without standing, so I can get even fatter? Ever want to go skiing, but too bad you live in Nicaragua? Well here is the answer to ALL of your problems. The THINGY! It can do virtually EVERYTHING. Mow the lawn, eat your brussel sprouts, wash your dog, and even deliver your mail to the moon. No more having to find the extra rocket fuel in the basement. The THINGY flies on pudding. Call now and get your very own THINGY!**

**--- We now return to your scheduled programming ---**

FINALLY!

**Hikari: There was only one today, I promise.**

There better only be one! So Kagura, why do you have such a passion for Kyo?

**Hikari: God, bipolar, much.**

(Glare)

Kagura: I've always loved Kyo. I will forever and ever. He loves me too, right Kyo?

Um, I think he's still unconscious.

Kagura: Hehehe isn't he so cute when he's sleeping.

Sure, "sleeping."

**Hikari: Sixty seconds!**

Well it seems that we are just about out of time. Come back next time to see us interview someone less obsessive.

Kagura: Hey!

See you next time! Please remember to donate to the Stop The Interruptions (yes, STI) fund by buying THINGIES. Like Larry dolls? They come in a variety of shapes colors and flavors. Also don't forget to buy the pudding expansion pack !

**Producers Note: There is no need for a disclaimer, but everyone should know that the THINGY is not real. Of course, I didn't need to tell you that right? Nobody is that stupid. I mean you obviously can't get to the moon on pudding. You'd need something thinner, like Pepsi. (We do not own Pepsi!)**


	12. Kisa

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined****= Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A Guy)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought_

_

* * *

_

Kisa

* * *

(At Lunch…)

We have to hurry to the studio later. Our viewers are counting on us for the next show!

**Hikari: I know. You don't have to worry though, the studio isn't going anywhere today.**

Did you at least call Larry and Alex and tell them to meet us.

**Hikari: Yeah, Larry said he had a lot of homework though, so we have to finish in a timely manner, and blah blah blah, you know, the usual complaint. **

We will take as much time as we want! We should slow down just because he said that. You know what, I've just decided I have something to do! See you later!

**Hikari: Wait! What happened to rushing to the studio?**

I'll have to meet you there when I'm done. Bye!

**Hikari: Um, alright, goodbye.**

(After School…)

**Hikari: **_**I wonder, what happened to Dannie?**_

?: Um, Onee-chan?

**Hikari: **_**I know she's skipped classes before, but a whole half of a day?**_

?: Excuse me, Onee-chan?

**Hikari: **_**Hmm, I hope I can trust her to get there on time.**_

?: Onee-chan?

**Hikari: **_**I'm sure she won't let us down!**_

?: YO, ARE YOU DEAF, AIRHEAD!?

**Hikari: Huh? Who are you calling an airhead!? Oh, Hiro-kun, what's up?**

Hiro: See, you just proved my point, idiot.

**Hikari: Grrr!**

Hiro: Well if you're of any use, you will assist Kisa.

**Hikari: Kisa? Oh that girl you were blabbing about last time!**

Hiro: Yes genius, even though I was not 'blabbing.' We came all this way just to talk to you and your associate. Kisa wishes to participate in the show.

**Hikari: Oh, is that so. Well Dannie mysteriously disappeared at lunch, but I can take you to the studio and we can wait for her. We would be more than happy to have Kisa on our show.**

(At the Studio…)

**Hikari: Hey Larry, I'm back with some guests, but Dannie isn't here yet! Alex, get us some snacks please, none for Larry!**

**Alexander: Roger!**

**Hikari: Let's sit over here and wait for Dannie.**

**Alexander: Here's some tea, and a cake Larry bought today for his birthday tomorrow. He said not to eat it but…**

**Hikari: Leave some for Dannie.**

**Alexander: I will!**

VROOM!! VROOM!!

Hiro: What's that?

**Hikari: LARRY! Go open the door, and see what's going on!**

**Larry: I'm going, I'm going! Whoa!**

**Hikari: What? What happened!?**

Hey everyone! Oh, Hiro's back, and I assume you're Kisa.

Kisa: H-hello.

Hiro: Finally, we were forced to wait, that isn't very courteous of a host!

Whatever!

**Hikari: Hey where were you, you missed the test in seventh period, and everything.**

I was out getting this awesome jacket and that motorcycle.

**Hikari: What, you ditched and got a bike!? Oh, want some Larry birthday cake, stolen by Alex.**

Oooh!

Hiro: Where did you obtain something like that?

**Hikari: You just saw him bring the cake.**

Hiro: Not that, the bike! Airhead!

**Hikari: Oh, so is that supposed to be some sort of nickname now?**

Hiro: I would tell you, but I don't think your mind could process the information.

**Hikari: Grrr!**

Hiro: So… explain the bike.

I will explain my motorcycle when you apologize to Hikari. By the way did you explain the show concept to Kisa? Let me rephrase that Larry did you do your tech thing and make an explanation to show people about our show?

**Larry: Um well you see..**

I will take that as a no. Guess I should not have brought you this (pulls out a wrapped box) this is the last time I buy you a birthday gift. Now I'll need to return it. No I have a better idea. Kisa this gift is to thank you for being on our show.

Kisa: Th-thank you Onee- chan.

No problem. Whatever you do don't let Larry have it if you have one you can give it to someone else or return it here is the receipt.

**Hikari: You brought Larry a gift?!?!?!?!?!**

Just because I torment him daily and have landed him in the hospital many times does not mean I can't be nice. Secondly, no I did not, I bought Kisa a gift it is her birthday in two days. So happy birthday in advance.

**Hikari: How do you know when Kisa's birthday is?**

Oh, while I was acquiring my motorcycle and jacket and started to ride back I saw Yuki and I asked him if he wanted a ride. He said he was going to buy a gift for Kisa.

Hiro: Enough! Can you act like I exist? First you make me wait for you and then you don't even answer my question about your bike.

Hello, obnoxious child, that Kisa brought with her. First, a bike is what you would ride, but my MOTORCYCLE is a precision instrument that allows me to travel extremely fast and far. Secondly, I do not reveal my secrets to ungrateful, annoying, little, loud mouths, or for that matter, Larry's. I also know that you will eaves drop and hear anyway so I guess it does not make a difference if I say it now. Larry go up stairs, and if I see one mark on my motorcycle, I will send you to the hospital on your birthday.

Hiro: Kisa, why did you want to come here? This is just a very sad excuse for what these children do with their lives after they leave school, and I do not want you around such simpletons.

**Hikari: Why you little…**

Hikari! You complain everyday about keeping this show rated PG, and today we have a little girl here that is sweet and shy so we don't want to make a bad impression.

Hiro: You say this, but when I was on this show you used plenty of that language.

Yes, but we saw you were far from being impressionable, and not in the same universe as sweet as children your age are. How Kisa puts up with you is beyond me.

**Hikari: Dannie, he insulted us, and much worse he insulted our show. You would have killed him by now. Is it really all because of Kisa? If so, Kisa will you be here every week?**

No, it is not just her. Hatori is sharing his secrets on how to block the stupidity out of my mind.

**Hikari: Hatori is a miracle worker, remind me to thank him.**

Hiro: get on with the story on how you obtained the bike Obaa-san.

Kisa: Hiro be nice.

Ignoring that, just like I am ignoring your existence as of now. Anyway it all began a few weeks ago… I was taking a walk around at night because I needed fresh air, when I was on my walk I heard a fight. I ran to see what was going on when I saw this guy being attacked by this group so I tried to get them to stop by talking to them. One of the guys didn't wanna hear it so he punched me.

**Hikari: That** **explains the black eye you had.**

Kisa: Were you ok?

Yes thank you for worrying. So after I was punched I warned the group and they started laughing, so I gave them one more chance. One of the guys said "Ok, I will give you a free shot." I hit his jaw and I sent him flying. So his gang came at me and I took care of them in no time so I turn my attention back to the guy that was getting beat up. He was unconscious by now so I had to drag him to the hospital. I felt obligated to wait for him to wake up to explain what happened, so I did. 

**Alexander: Dr. Dannie is a hero, Hizzah!**

**Hikari: I know your tough, but I never thought you would save someone. Why didn't you tell me sooner, we would have had a party.**

I did tell you.

**Hikari: Oh yeah…**

Hiro: Airhead.

**Hikari: Rawr!**

So I waited for the guy to wake up, and I explained what happened. He said his name was David, and that they were beating him up because they say he sold them broken cars. So I start to leave and he asks about my car because we were nowhere near the hospital. I say, I carried him here and he practically killed me. He asked for a way to contact me. I don't know what kinda guy this is, so I gave him my email. He emails me after he gets out and he wants to repay me, and told me to go to the dealership he works at. He told me to pick out anything I wanted. I fell in love with this motorcycle, and he said I could have it.

**Alexander: COOOOOOOOOOL!!!!**

**Larry: Can I come down yet?**

**Hikari: No the smart people are talking.**

Hiro: So we are supposed to believe that a high school girl beat up this gang of guys, that she saved this David character, and that she received this bike because he wanted to thank her. I certainly don't believe it. Come on Kisa, we should go before she starts telling us unicorns, mermaids, and fairies exist.

**Hikari: They don't exist?**

Hiro: Of course they don't, Airhead.

Kisa: Hiro, be nice, I want to stay with Onee-chan and Onee-chan.

**Hikari: **_**How do we know who is who? I thought we were both Onee-chan?**_

_We will figure it out later._Besides Kisa you are welcome here anytime you want.

Kisa: Thank you Onee-chan.

(Hug)

**Hikari: That's right, and don't let anyone tell you when to go, unless it is a parent. Hey you should open your gift now!**

Kisa: Thanks Onee-chan. Ok!

(Rip, Tear, Shred, Crash, Bang, Boom)

Larry stop falling unnecessarily, you are making unwanted noise. 

**Larry: I just wanted to see what I almost got for my birthday. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You were gonna give me the new and improved hg 150 Gig Neurofibromatosis, with a flip desktop, with unbelievable amounts of LCD doohickeys in lapis lazuli.**

I got Kisa, who in the what now? 

Kisa: Thank you so much! I love this color.

No problem, Larry does not mind anyway.

**Hikari: Why did you get Larry this? I am not buying it. Why you have turned into a perfect host?**

You really don't know?

Hiro: Of course not she is, an airhead.

Did you hear something? Whatever. I got it because if I make him do my work for me, I want it to be great work.

**Hikari: I knew it had to benefit you!!!!**

Time for the show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiro: Finally, what I came here for. Took you long enough Obaa-san.

**Alexander: Escort the cause of the annoying noise into his seat over there!**

Hiro: I'm not stupid you will lock me in there and ignore me.

**Hikari: Like she's ignoring you now? What is the difference?**

OK so show time!

Kisa: It is getting late though.

Hiro: Come on Kisa who needs Obaa-san and airhead?

I have had just about enough of you, and your rude comments you little brat.

Hiro: Oh you're talking to me again Obaa-san? How is it possible for Obaa-san to be so old yet act so immature?

I'm immature? When all you can do is insult people who take the time to put up with your crap!

Hiro: Glad you see it my way Obaa-san.

Call me Obaa-san one more time you little brat.

Hiro: Ok O BAA SAN.

That's it! Hatori taught me to block out stupid, not insults, especially insults spouted by rude little organisms, like you Hiro.

**Hikari: Dannie, maybe you should go outside for air. Alexander, please help her.**

Perfect, but I was not thinking about air.

(Evil grin)

**Alexander: Ok, this way Dr. Dannie.**

(Outside)

VROOM!!!!!!!!!! VROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Alexander: Dr. Dannie! NOOO!**

(Door flies open to reveal Dr. Dannie on her motorcycle)

Come here you little twit!

**Hikari: Dannie!!!!! Kisa, come here, get out of her way!**

Thanks Hikari. I don't wanna run over her, just that thing she brought with her.

Hiro: Ahh! You're crazy!

Stop running, you rat!

Hiro: No Way!

You're cornered! Nowhere to run now, you little punk!

**Hikari: I brought, Yuki, Haru, and Kyo! Dannie! Stop! **

Let me go! He deserves this. Don't tell me that you don't just wanna kill him!

Haru: Cool, I'm not the only one who snaps and turns black, but come to think of it, Hiro does get on my nerves.

Kyo: Yea! He's had this coming. I say we let her have at him.

Yuki: Dannie, calm down, you can't kill people on television.

Says who? I'm sure it will just boost ratings.

**Hikari: NOOOO! **

Fine if you come up with a better alternative to release my rage, then I will stop.

Haru: Break out the booze and we can throw chairs out the window again.

Kyo: Fight me, I want to see if you can beat me when we are both sober.

**Hikari: Breathe slowly and count to ten.**

Yuki: How about tea? Lets all have some tea and calm down.

Ok, number one, I have to clean it up if I break the studio, and the hiding place of the booze has been switch, I can't find it. Two, we were both drunk, so the outcome will be the same. Three, I have tried that count to ten thing, it never works. Four, I don't drink tea! Now back by popular demand the assassination of Hiro Sohma.

Kisa: NO!

OK! For Kisa I will not kill him. You all owe me a way to get rid of my anger though

(The Next Day…)

**Larry: Wow! You all remembered and brought gifts. This will be the best birthday I have had since I got a party at 'Butterfly's Bread'.**

**Hikari: What did we remember? Why do you need a party? You didn't save anyone. We are celebrating Dannie, saving someone and, not killing Hiro. Wait a minute, you ate at a place called Butterfly's Bread when you were little?**

**Larry: What do you mean little? That was last year?**

Forget Larry and his lack of taste. Focus on someone who matters, like me. Yay me! I also get presents.

**Larry: This is not fair! It is my birthday and she gets all stuff its bad enough you ate my cake yesterday**

Life is not fair, get over it, and that was your birthday cake?

**Larry: Yes, it was my birthday cake what did you think it was?**

When I heard cake, I did not care. Present time!!!! Yay for unbirthdays!

Yuki: This is from Haru, Kyo and myself.

(Rip)

Yay it is a punching bag.

**Hikari: Now mine! Now mine!**

(Rip)

Glue and a camera, Ok, explain.

**Hikari: Like this (takes picture of Larry, prints it out, and glues it on punching bag)**

YAY!!!!! Now I can have a successful way of getting rid of my anger. I would hug you guys, but I don't wanna deal with animals afterward, no offense, and I would actually hug Kyo too and risk him clawing my eyes out after he transforms.

Kyo: As if I would let you!

(Hug)

Kyo: What the hell! You said you wouldn't hug me!

You said I could not, so I took that as a challenge, and I won it.

(At Butterfly Bread…)

**Larry: Yay, I won a whole 10 tickets on Whack A Beaver.**

? kid: Hey mister, aren't you too old to come here?

**Larry: Yes, yes I am, but it is my birthday so that is forgotten.**

**

* * *

**

**Producer's Note: First off, translations for some who don't know:**

**Onee-chan: Referring to a sister, or older girl.**

**Obaa-san: Referring to a grandmother, or elderly woman.**

**Sorry for any I might have missed.  
**

**Second: Neurofibromatosis is obviously not a computer, it's some kind of medical term, and for those who already knew that, congratulations, you're smart!**

**Finally, third: Think of Butterfly's Bread as a pathetic excuse for Chuck E. Cheese (Which we do not own.)**


	13. Momiji

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined****= Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A guy we pay for some reason)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought_

Momiji (**Special Cooking Addition**)

(At the studio)

Larry! Get your ass out here and help bring this stuff into the studio.

**Larry: What stuff? Did you go buy me birthday gifts? Oh, I knew you weren't a horrible person!**

**Hikari: When is your birthday?**

**Larry: It was last week.**

**Hikari: You should have said something. We would have had a party.**

**Larry: You are both horrible people. Waaaah!**

I heard what you said. You think I'm horrible, well now I have a job for you. Bring that in and put it over there. (Points)

**Larry: What is that pile of boxes, and why do you want me to move the biggest one?**

**Hikari: We went shopping!**

**Larry: I can see that, but for what?**

It is stuff for the studio. I would stop with the attitude too. That is why I make you do the hard things.

**Larry: I don't wanna move it.**

What are you a baby or a man? Well, a boyish thing.

**Hikari: Hmm, well he is not a man, he is too old to be a boy, so he is a teen.**

No, no, no! If he is a teen then that disgraces all teens everywhere. How about male nerd?

**Hikari: That works. No. WAIT! A 'merd.'**

Perfect! So Larry, are you a baby or a merd?

**Larry: I am a man! Men can complain when they are being ordered around.**

**Hikari: You are being paid, and we are your employers, so it is our job to order you around.**

I am still hung up on the fact that, one, we got through a show without those pesky advertisements, two, he did not bother to defend himself with the boyish and merd comments, and three, we wasted our money 'cause the obedience training is wearing off. I guess we will need to send him to the seminar again.

**Hikari: Yea, I bet everyone, including our viewers, is glad about that. Wait, what did you do to the person in charge of those things? **

Why am I always blamed and for everything. I was shopping with you all day.

**Larry: Neither of you told me what this stuff is yet.**

Are you going to move the box if I do?

**Larry: Yes.**

Fine, since we spend most of our time here during breaks, and even after school, and this is our space that is not shared with anyone we decided to make it homier. 

**Hikari: Yep some homey touches like a kitchen area.**

**Larry: So what am I bringing in?**

Can't you read? It has a label.

**Larry: Oh, I knew that.**

**Hikari: For a nerd you are dumb.**

**Larry: Well if you are any better what is the square root of pi?**

1.772453851 got any other questions?

**Larry: How do you know that?**

I'm smarter then you. Duh!

**Larry: Then why must you copy my homework, and make me do your projects?**

I said I was smarter not that I wasn't lazier. Now move the stove inside.

**Larry: Don't rush me! (Grabs crate)**

Crate: (Stays still)

**Larry: Um, let me try the other side**

Crate: (Remains motionless.)

What is taking so long? The crate did not move. Why has the crate not moved?

**Hikari: Did you really expect him to move it?**

I expected it to cause him pain by trying to move it.

**Larry: I'll show you! (Lift)**

See! I bet you 20 dollars he drops in on his foot.

**Hikari: I bet you 20 dollars he falls and is crushed by the weight of the stove.**

**Larry: I bet you both 50 dollars I make it into the studio without help.**

You better have the money. I only take cash.

**Hikari: I have a better idea! We can dock his pay.**

**Larry: I will not need to pay you.**

**Hikari: He is getting pretty close. We need to do something!**

Larry, look out for that banana peel!

**Larry: Do you expect me to fall fo-Ahhhhh!**

Crate: Feel my wrath tiny weakling!

Yes I did expect you to fall but I'm glad you didn't. You just dropped it… on both of your feet!

**Hikari: Okay, fine I will pay you the twenty, just glad he did not make it into the studio, so at least I still have thirty.**

Yay 70 dollars for me! He would not have made it anyway. 

**Larry: Can someone help me?**

We better get it off we don't want him to scratch our stove now. Hikari come help me.

**Hikari: Yea, I'm coming.**

(Lift)

Crate: Yea, I'm flying zoom, zoom, zoom.

(Drop)

Crate: Ow. You little...

**Hikari: I know! Let's do a cooking episode of Dr. Dannie!**

Sure that will confuse the audience, oh well. Sounds like fun! Wait, what is wrong with you? Now we need to bring the stove back to the stage! Okay I know! Gimme your phone!

**Hikari: Here…**

Hello Kyo, Hikari and I need a favor. We need you to come over right away and move a stove.

Kyo: How did you get my number? Why would I do anything for you? Why do you have a stove that needs to be moved? (Dial tone)

**Hikari: So will kitty help?**

No he hung up on me after yelling. He's too weak anyway. Larry!

**Larry: No way! I need to go to the hospital.**

**Hikari: You used all your sick time and any insurance you had last time.**

**Larry: I can't help it if this job is hazardous.**

The only hazardous thing is your stupidity. I guess we will need to move it Hikari.

Haru: Hey, I'm just babysitting, but I'll do it.

**Hikari: Oh, Haru, you came over!**

Haru: Yea, I'm just babysitting this kid.

?: Hi I'm Momiji, and he is not babysitting. He just tagged along.

Oh, hey Momiji. Let me guess, another Sohma right?

Momiji: You got it!

**Hikari: Aw, aren't you so cute.**

Momiji: I get that a lot.

**Larry: Well you should. How old are you kid?**

Momiji: I'm the same age as Haru.

(…)

**Larry: WHAT!**

**Hikari: WHAT!**

WHAT!

**Hikari: Um, sorry I called you cute**

Momiji: Why? Is it bad to be cute?

**Hikari: No, I guess not…**

Momiji: Anybody want a lollipop?

Um, no thanks. You have a lot of those.

Haru: He loves sweets. That's one of the reasons I watch him. So he doesn't eat too much.

**Hikari: Oh my God! I have the perfect idea. Let's hook up the oven and bake. I would love some cake right now.**

Momiji: Yay! Cake!

**Larry: That's a delicious idea.**

Haru: Whatever, I don't care; just tell me where to put this thing.

Wait, why is everyone agreeing to this? Where did this come from?

**Hikari: Oh you know me. I can come up with ideas like this easy. Especially involving food! Besides my sweet tooth's achin' for some cake!**

**Larry: We're ALL achin' for some bakin'**

No Larry, shut up, this is why you don't get to talk… but bacon does sound good.

Haru: Bacon cake?

(…)

EW!

Momiji: BAKING CAKES!

**Alexander: Did I hear someone say bacon?**

No! Everybody stop! We are baking cakes. Okay, cakes.

**Alexander: And bacon?**

Ugh!

**Hikari: Okay, how about an ****Anything Goes While Bakin' (Bacon) Cakes**** episode, but we can only ruin one cake with bacon.**

Whatever, I'm not eating it. I'll eat the cake, and I'll eat the bacon, but only separately.

**Hikari: Don't worry, Larry will eat it. I don't think that bacon cake is very safe.**

**Larry: Then why do I have to eat it?**

Well we obviously need a taste tester for the unsafe ones, duh!

**Hikari: Okay, Haru, over there, against that wall! Let's Go!**

Haru: Alright, whatever you say.

Since we need our garbage disposal… um I mean taste tester, Alex, you got lights.

**Alexander: Roger!**

Hikari, we already got the kitchen appliances, and stuff, but we are gonna need a few more props to make it perfect. Including the um… bacon.

**Hikari: Don't worry, I already know what to get. Be right back!**

Haru: What can Momiji do?

He's our **Special Cooking Addition Guest Chef!**

Momiji: Awesome! I get to bake the cakes!

Definitely. I'll just sit here and watch you and Hikari go at it. Then you can even feed Larry. I'll just talk about what you're doing.

Haru: You just don't want to do any work, do you?

Haha! What are you talking about? Talking about cake is hard work too.

Haru: Yep, definitely avoiding doing work…

Hey!

**Hikari: Hey guys! I'm back.**

What did you get?

**Hikari: Well first of all, I got aprons, and I made sure I got the right ones. The blue bunny one is for Momiji.**

Momiji: Yay!

**Hikari: The cow is for Haru, the cat is for me, and even though Dannie and Alex aren't cooking I got them some. Dannie gets red and black and Alex gets the blue one with a monkey.**

**Larry: Hey, what about me?**

**Hikari: Taste testers don't need aprons.**

**Larry: If I don't need one, Alex doesn't either.**

Shut up, and sit down. I hope you're hungry.

**Larry: And what if I'm not?**

Oh well, I said shut up!

**Larry: B-but.**

**Hikari: Larry just shut up; I'm not done showing you all the cool stuff I got from the store. **

What else?

**Hikari: Okay, well here are some spatulas, and some colorful bowls, and some oven mitts. Then of course I got some cake ingredients. It's enough to make five cakes, so we can each decide what to put in them.**

**Larry: But, there are six of us.**

Taste testers don't get to choose the ingredients for their own cake. By the way, didn't we say shut up? Good thing you didn't lose the bet, Hikari. Or else you couldn't pay for this huh?

**Hikari: Oh I did not use my money. Larry you dropped this. ( Throws Larry back his now empty wallet.) Anyway, I also got this package of bacon. Alex, start frying it up.**

**Alexander: Sure thing boss.**

Hey Larry, you can put these ingredients on the counter.

**Larry: Aw, why do I get all the crappy jobs?**

Stop fricken complaining! You don't do the job, you don't get paid.

**Hikari: I'll go set up the camera above our new counter. That way we can all be in the show.**

Alright, Haru, Alex, and I will sit here. Momiji and Hikari can Stand in front of the stove, and Larry can sit and watch all the way over there, next to the camera.

**Larry: Hey, why am I the only one sitting out of the shot?**

Because none of our viewers wanna see your face, don't worry Hikari's job is to bring the cake to you. Now Sit!

**Hikari: Everybody ready. 3, 2, 1, Action!**

Hello everyone, and welcome to today's exciting edition of Dr. Dannie. You must be wondering why everyone is on camera, and probably most importantly, why we are all sitting in a fake prop kitchen, that really works! Well, today we have a surprise guest, who was just visiting but decided to help us because he had nothing better to do, Momiji Sohma! Also his "baby sitter," aka. The guy who was just tagging along and helped us move our props in, Hatsuharu Sohma! In light of our special surprise guests, and because we couldn't think of any ideas, this will be our **Special Cooking Addition **of Dr. Dannie, with **Guest Chefs, Momiji and Haru! **Why don't you elaborate Hikari?

**Hikari: Right, so anyway, this episode is so special, we even have an episode title. It's the ****Anything Goes While Bakin' (Bacon) Cakes****! episode. And we will explain… right after these messages from our sponsors!**

HIKARI!

**Hikari: Hehehe!**

**- You're show will continue momentarily -**

**Step on down to KFBell! You heard right! KFBell, all the deliciousness of tacos and chicken in one! You ever sit down to eat a chicken wing, and then suddenly realize that a quesadilla would go nice with this? Or maybe you've dug into a burrito, only to notice that you want a fresh biscuit, and maybe a bowl of coleslaw, and oh hell, since you want that, why not get a bucket of drumsticks with it? Well here there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Come to KFBell, and never experience a problem like that again!**

**- We now return to your scheduled programming -**

So, I guess we're back, and I'm all done having my talk with Hikari. Apparently, if I don't cooperate with her, the big mean people in black suits aren't going to put the monies into her bank account for her to hand over to the giant scary boss lady, so that the big picture box will keep showing Dr. Dannie… Sooo if I understood half of that, it means that I need to let it go for today, and I need to have a talk with Hikari about who she associates with… but for now, back to our cooking show! Hikari, are you done mumbling to yourself? Are you being literate again?

**Hikari: Yea, I'm fine. So let's continue. First Alex will decide on the ingredients for his cake, which, Larry, who you can't see for your own protection, will eat to check the toxicness, I-I mean tastiness. Momiji has already put the basic ingredients into all five bowls. Alex.**

**Alexander: Alright, well I think I will start out with the bacon cake, if nobody minds.**

Whatever, I just hope our taste tester doesn't die early on us. Oh, and by the way viewers, you will not be hearing Larry's mouth to much today because, Alex came up with ingenious device, wrapped around Larry's mouth so that we can open it when he needs to eat.

**Alexander: Um, we just used Larry's bandana as a gag and tied his arms to the chair with some prop ropes. His feet were damaged earlier so he can't get up without help.**

Who cares about the details. He Can't Talk!

**Hikari: Yay! Anyway, Momiji, please pour in a cup of bacon. Oh, and just to let everyone know, we are just guessing these amounts, we haven't tried this before, so there is no written recipe. That also means that we have no already made cakes hidden under the counter to show you like on those cooking shows on food network™(is it ™, ®, or ©?… whatever), so we have more commercials for you to watch while they bake.**

Momiji: What's next after the bacon?

Alex, what else?

**Alexander: How about some more sugar and OHHH honey! I want honey!**

With bacon?

**Alexander: No, with cake.**

Ugh. Just add the sugar and honey.

**Hikari: Alright, just to let all of you know, our cakes are going to be baking at 750**** for about 5 minutes. We need to save time. Don't worry we calculated this so it should work out.**

Yea… Sure it will. You people should know that this WAS NOT my idea, and if the studio burns down, its Hikari's money on the line. ( Don't try this at home it almost never works)

**Hikari: Actually, I recently took out an insurance policy on the studio. We got it cheap since this is technically an old warehouse that we occupied without even buying it.**

Arsonist.

**Hikari: AM NOT! If this place does happen to burn down, well lets just say we will be compensated for 300 percent of the damages and we will receive enough payment to buy a new place. I've got my eyes on this great penthouse apartment and…**

Did you get this deal from the same people who "put the monies" in you bank account.

**Hikari: Um yes, but…**

Arsonist.

**Hikari: They are my personal accountants.**

They are loan sharks.

**Hikari: NO!**

I bet they will burn it down themselves if we don't today.

**Hikari: NO!**

Yes. Anyway, put that thing in the oven!

Momiji: Okay.

**Hikari: But…**

Just play the damn commercial.

**Hikari: Fine…**

**- You're show will continue momentarily -**

**Do you like to party? Well we do! Join the party at the Butterfly Bread! Forget about fun places like Chuck E. Cheese! Here you can have half the fun at double the price. There are no mice in costumes running around. Here we have real mice! So call (555)555-5555 to book a party today!**

**- We now return to your scheduled programming -**

Okay, we are back! Now it is Haru's turn to put in the special ingredients.

Haru: Um, chocolate.

No, that's to normal.

Haru: Hmmm, grass?

What? Ew!**Hikari: Well, doesn't matter, we aren't eating it!**

**Larry: mmmm! Mmh mmhmm mmm!**

We can't hear you! Alex, go out and get some grass while we cut your cake for Larry.

**Alexander: Sure.**

Okay, Haru you have to feed him. Nobody wants their hand bitten.

Haru: What about my hands?

You'll be fine. Here's your fork.

Haru: Sure, whatever.

**Alexander: Here's the grass.**

Great, now come here and remove Larry's gag so that Haru can shove in the fork.

**Alexander: Okay, but if he bites me, can I punch him in the face?**

Yep.

**Alexander: Alright!**

Open wide Larry.

**Larry: MMM MH MMMNNN!**

**Alexander: Here we go.**

Do it now Haru!

(Bandana is taken off, fork is put in, and bandana is tied again in one fluid movement)

**Larry: MM HMMMM MMMM MMM MM!**

Hmm, well, Larry's movements have become very violent so we will just put in the third cake. How is the grass cake coming Momiji?

Momiji: Pretty good, it just needs a little more time.

**Hikari: What's the next ingredient?**

Why don't you do the next one, Hikari?

**Hikari: Sure, I already have a couple ideas.**

Why don't you tell us the first one so that we can determine if its good?

**Hikari: Rat poison.**

(GASP…)

**Hikari: Why is everyone so shocked?**

I can't believe you're a murderer too!

**Hikari: Am Not! Besides, he might not die, it doesn't have to be a lot.**

I can't believe you! Who do you know that's lived through rat poisoning? How many people have you poisoned anyway?

**Hikari: NOBODY! Besides, there are similar chemicals in cigarettes, so that proves people can live through it!**

**(Producer's Note: That's right kids, don't smoke! And well if you already do… um good luck with that. Guess there isn't much I can do about existing addictions…)**

I thought I was the trouble maker and you turned me into the voice of reason how could you? Also sending Larry to the hospital again would probably make people suspicious. You know what, I'm not having this conversation. What's your next NON-lethal idea?

**Hikari: …Cheese.**

…Ew! Okay! Momiji, put it in.

Momiji: Okay.

Since we are getting pressed for time, we will put mine in too, and Momiji's as well. Then Hikari has one more commercial scheduled while we wait. You guys should feed the grass cake to Larry while I come up with an idea. 

**Alexander: Okay!**

Haru: Sure, whatever.

**Larry: MMM MHMNHM!**

I Got It!

**Hikari: What is it?**

GUN POWDER!

**Hikari: WHAT! That's worse than mine!**

How so? It shouldn't kill him.

**Hikari: The entire oven will explode!**

Oh… right. Aw, oh well new idea.

**Alexander: I think Dannie and Hikari are tired and insane.**

**Dannie and Hikari: EXCUSE ME!**

**Alexander: Never mind…**

Thought so.

**Hikari: The nerve of this kid…**

Alright, gotta think, nothing poisonous… PAINT… no that probably has some kind of health risk, or some nonsense like that. Hmmm… hehehe toilet water!

**Hikari: EW! But… I guess its okay…**

Lets do that. Alex, go get Larry's bucket and put some toilet water in it.

**Alexander: Roger!**

**Larry: MMM HMMMMNN!**

**Hikari: Alright Momiji, what would you like.**

Momiji: That's an easy one! Candy!

Haru: Who would have guessed!

**Alexander: Here you go.**

Go put it in the cake bowl for Momiji, while he goes to get his stash of candy.

**Alexander: Sure. Okay its in the oven.**

Momiji: The candy is in too. Anybody wanna eat the extras.

Yay! Candy! Alright, since we are so pressed for time because of this unusually long show, Hikari hurry with the commercial.

**Hikari: Okay, and it's something good, so I'm sure you'll like it.**

Okay, whatever, just play it.

**- You're show will continue momentarily -**

**Like the recipes that you see on Dr. Dannie? Have you ever wondered what the Dr. Dannie cast cooks at their home so that they don't starve. Well then you can purchase this leather bound cookbook. it's the ****Official Dr. Dannie Cookbook. ****Complete with recipes from the show, the cast members' secret favorites, even the weird things that they like, and ****Larry's 107 Good Foods Menu****. The menu includes things that you can find in a store, no cooking necessary. Inside, we will even include a ****Premium Restaurant Guide**** by Hikari and Alexander, who both decided they wanted to try being restaurant critics, which only lasted about a month… The cookbook will also feature ****Dannie's Tips and Tricks About Creating and Avoiding Poisonous Foods****. So call now… Oh wait there are no phones, so you have to come down to the warehouse with all of the Dr. Dannie Merchandise for your copy. Also, we aren't sure, but the price should be around 148 dollars. Anyway, we look forward to seeing you!**

**- We now return to your scheduled programming -**

We are back! All of the cakes are finished, so lets feed them to Larry, but I think he is unconscious…

**Alexander: Opps, I think the gag was too tight last time.**

Haru: So what? I wanna get out of here so hurry and open his mouth.

Momiji: Yea we should go soon since we don't want to miss dinner.

**Alexander: Um, okay, I guess we can just put it in.**

**Hikari: Yea, yea, just put it all in, he will taste it eventually, hurry before they cut us off air!**

Okay, so I guess we are done here. We didn't really help anyone today, but we did kill some boredom (And possibly a lights guy), and we got a brand new kitchen in the studio! But we did learn that Larry is very weak. Anyway, good bye! See you next time!

**Producer's Note: Hope you enjoyed the show, viewers. Here is a small disclaimer. We ****do not**** own Chuckie Cheese, the Food Network ™ (or whatever the ending thingy is), Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC), OR Taco Bell. Some other fat rich guy owns it. Well I'm not sure if it's a guy, or if he's fat, but he's definitely rich 'cause I know we all LOVE our chicken. **Just to be clear don't try and make these cakes or your favorite show will be canceled and yes I do mean this one. If this is not your favorite show then go ahead and eat the cakes except the candy one. First get our cook book so you are not sued for copyright infringement (That's the © thingy Hikari, so, no that is not the ending thingy for Food Network. For once, we do own it since it' s our book! See you next time!


	14. Rin

Shojo Hikari **has become HikariOneeSan**

Also **WARNING:** This is a spoiler chapter if you haven't read the manga past Volume 10.

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined = Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A guy we pay for some reason)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought_

Rin

(Battled with the question "Isuzu or Rin?" Picked Rin because it's shorter. Hehehe)

(Outside the school…)

Realtor: I'll give you 10,000 for it.

**Larry: 10,000?**

Realtor: Yes.

**Larry: 10,000 what? Camels? 'Cause I could sell those.**

Realtor: …Um no, dollars.

**Larry: Damn it, the camels would have been worth more. Why did you lead me on?**

Realtor: Um… so anyway I will write a check.

Wait! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!

**Larry: Selling something for 10,000.**

**Hikari: Nonononono! Its not yours to sell!**

**Larry: Then who sells it?**

It's ours' so we sell it… Wait a second. Hikari?

**Hikari: Yes?**

Why is there a realtor here trying to buy something worth 10,000 camels from Larry? We don't own anything worth 10,000 camels.

Realtor: Actually, its dollars…

Nobody asked you! Hikari?

**Hikari: Actually, it was going to be a surprise.**

What was?

**Hikari: Well, since the studio burned down during our cooking show, we are selling that crappy place, and using the insurance money for a new place.**

Oh, okay, but one flaw in your plan.

**Hikari: What?**

The studio did not burn down.

**Hikari: Yes it did.**

No it didn't.

**Hikari: Yes it did.**

So you mean that if I ran there right now, it would be burnt.

**Hikari: Theoretically, that's what happens in fires.**

IT DID NOT BURN DOWN! I was there, I would know!

**Hikari: Were you there?**Hikari, it is no time for games.

**Hikari: Trust me Dannie, it burnt down.**

When?

**Hikari: That's not important.**

I think it is.

**Hikari: Anyway, I have cashed the insurance check, and bought the penthouse I had my eyes on.**

So you wanted to surprise us with a "burnt down" studio, and take us to a penthouse?**Hikari: Yes, exactly!****Larry: I'm in. Lets go!**

Guess I have no choice… Hey, why is that real estate guy here anyway.

**Hikari: I thought it would be better if he met me here. Come on real estate guy, to the burnt down studio!**

**Larry: YAY!**

Hey, where is Alexander?

**Larry: He said he had to go home first to feed his monkey. I'll text him so that he can meet us.**

?: Hey wait up guys!

**Hikari: Hey, it's Haru! Hey Haru!**

Haru: Hey guys, I kinda need a favor.

Sure. You carried our stove. What do you need?

Haru: You see, Rin needs a place to hide for a little while. You know, stay out of site for a while. I figured your show would be perfect.

…Thanks.

**Larry: Sure we will hide your girlfriend on our unpopular T.V. show.**

Our show is not unpopular it is experimental. That sounds cooler.

Haru:… Uh, thanks guys. She won't be any trouble at all. I'll come back for her later.

**Hikari: Oh, wait. We changed our address recently, here's our card.**

You even made business cards!

Haru: Okay, thanks for everything. Gotta go.

**Hikari: We should start going too. The movers will be at the penthouse soon, with the stuff I ordered.**

You ordered furniture too?

**Hikari: Yep!**

(Sigh)

So Rin, what's your story?

Rin: Huh?

You know, are you really Haru's girlfriend? Are you another Sohma? Who are you running from? Why haven't I seen you in school before?

Rin: None of your business.

**Larry: Wow, somebody is antisocial.**

Rin: Excuse me?

Well you are.

**Hikari: Dannie is a talk show host, so she's not used to people totally snubbing her for no reason.**

Rin: Fine. Yes. Yes. Everybody. And I've been in the hospital for a long time.

Wait, what?

**Larry: Whoa, whoa, how do I keep track of those answers**

**Hikari: She is Haru's girlfriend, and another Sohma. She's running from a lot of people, and she missed school because she was in the hospital.**

**Larry: How do you remember all that?**

**(Shrug)**

**Hikari: Magic?**

No.

**Hikari: Aw, I wish I had magic. **

Here we are at the pile of rubble, that we used to call the studio. Mr. Realtor?

Realtor: Right. Here is the 10,000 DOLLAR check.

Okay, your dismissed.

Realtor: Why did I come all the way here then.

GO!

**Hikari: Dannie, you shouldn't have been so mean. Even the back of his head looks sad now.**

**Alexander: Hey everybody!**

Alex, your back! This is our burnt studio. We are about to go to the penthouse. Also, this is Rin. She will be on the show today because she's hiding from people.

**Alexander: Nice to meet you. This is my pet monkey Steve!**

Rin: What?

**Larry: You can ignore him sometimes, it's okay. **_**I think he's high.**_

**Alexander: Heard that Larry.**

**Hikari: Time to go!**

Penthouse time.

(At the Penthouse…)

Wow, this building is amazing. It's this door right?

**Hikari: Yep, I think the movers were already in there too.**

(Opens Door)

**Larry: Wow, this place is nice.**

**Alexander: I wonder what else is in here.**

Let's go!

(Rummaging through stuff)

**Larry: Oh my god, I found pies.**

**Alexander: Pies? How did those get there.**

Well since we don't know, we can't eat them.

**Hikari: Are you gonna have a pie war?**

No, not a war… but I'll win!

**Hikari: Not in here! Do it in the hall.**

Fine, party pooper.

**Hikari: You see what I have to deal with here Rin?**

Rin: Is this an everyday occurrence?

**Hikari: Pretty much, let's go inside and have tea on the new set, while they do this. I want to see the new camera and lights.**

Don't make me seem like the odd ball you're the crazy one I don't associate with loan sharks that burn down warehouses.

**Hikari: They were not loan sharks and you can't prove it.**

Rin: Sure, now if you're both done you (points to Dannie) can go throw pies around and you (points to Hikari) can go tour the house while I stay here and watch T.V.

You bought a flat screen with all sorts of games, a fully furnished kitchen … wait come back so I can ask where you got all this. Where are you this place is huge?

**Hikari: I'm in my bedroom.**

Why do you need a bedroom and holy shit everything looks gold I thought you liked green. 

**Hikari: I do but I like gold to and don't worry you have a bed room go through that door. **

Wow ok bed rooms are allowed now this looks amazing!

**Alexander: Where done with our pie war and wow this place looks cool and Larry is getting yelled at by some guy in a uniform.**

**Hikari: Don't go getting us thrown out of our penthouse. By the way your room is across the hall so is Larry's.**

**Alexander: Cool I don't ever wanna leave.**

**Larry: Thanks Alexander. Wow this place is amazing! Alexander where are you?**

**Alexander: In my room! Yours is next door.**

**Larry: Wow your room is cool I can't wait to see mine. (Opens door) What the hell this is a closet. **

If you would prefer the floor outside the door you are welcome to stay there. 

**Larry: No I want a real room all of you get rooms the size of living rooms why do I get a closet?**

Because you don't matter!

**Hikari: You really should remember that Larry save us the time and energy. I'm glad you like your rooms you two.**

Rin: I like this room I will stay here.

You know that's my room and don't go deciding things by yourself.

Rin: Fine I will tell Haru you are a bunch of inconsiderate people.

You can stay in my room just ask to see if it is ok next time, and go ahead if you are going to leave! Why should we put up with you if you are just gonna complain?

**Larry: Your different how?**

I sign your paycheck and I can kick your ass.

**Larry: Oh right.**

**Hikari: Speaking of complaining what did the guard say about the pie war?**

**Larry: Oh right, he said that you will need to pay a fine and not to do it again. The fine was Alexander's fault.**

What did you do to get Larry in trouble and how can I thank you?

**Alexander: The guard was annoying so when he turned around I threw a pie at him then ran away so it looked like Larry did it.**

Great job! I am teaching you well. I will buy you an extra thing for your room so think about what you want.

**Hikari: Dannie don't taint the mind of a minor. Larry the fine is coming out of your pay how much is it?**

**Larry: It was $500 but why am I the only one paying it? Alexander did the pie throwing.**

Yea, but you got caught so you need to pay. Looks like you can't buy any decorations for your room in a while.

**Larry: What decorations with that mat that I'm guessing is my bed there is not room remember it is closet sized.**

You can buy paint and posters and with enough money. Maybe bribe Alexander to share some room, then decorate that.

**Alexander: Ok I will charge $10,000 per foot you want from my room.**

**Larry: That is highway robbery.**

**Alexander: Not my problem it depends on how much you want the extra space.**

**Larry: Someone tell Alexander to lower the price. Where did everyone go?**

**Alexander: They, like myself, got tired of your voice and left.**

**(In the living room playing games and sitting on a mix of water furniture and bean bag chairs) **

Rin: I'm going to win!

Not a chance I always win everything!

**Hikari: Can't we just play the game peacefully?**

**Rin/Dannie: NO!**

Computerized voice: Race results: Winner is Car number 5 screen name RinSohma91

Rin: Ha I told you I would win!

Computerized voice: And Car number 1 screen name Doctor Dannie.

I told you I would win!

**Hikari: Stop fighting you both won. If you can't enjoy this without fighting then you won't get to play. **

Rin/Dannie: Fine! 

Rin: Don't copy me.

Why would I copy an extremely boring person like you?

**Larry: You all came in here to play games and fight without me? You didn't even listen to my problems.**

Does that surprise you?

Rin: Grow up! Des everything need to be about you, nerd?

**Larry: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (Runs into closet)… (I mean room)**

**Hikari: Look what you two have done! You made the nerd cry. Time outs for you both! **

Whatever, mom.

Rin: I don't need to listen to you.

**Hikari: Dannie, Rin, both of you will go to Dannie's room and you two will work out your problems and won't come out till you stop fighting!**

Dannie/Rin: Fine! (Walks to room and slams door behind them)

**(Hikari runs and locks the door)**

(Rin and Dannie sit on opposite sides of the bed facing the walls)

This is all your fault! If you just accept I'm better than you, this wouldn't have happened and I could enjoy my cool new penthouse.

Rin: My fault? I'm a guest! You should be nicer.

Are you royalty? No, I don't think so. Why should you get special treatment?

Rin: I can't take this I'm leaving!

(Tries to open door but it is locked)

Door: Nice try.

Rin: Your door won't open.

I had no clue, considering your still here. Let me try. (Pushes and pulls door )

Door: Not gonna open.

Rin: You win at everything huh? Let's try together.

Fine.

Door: Does locked mean anything to you?

Ok now I will pick the lock.

Rin: Right, you can pick locks now? Anything to be better than someone.

I have been able to pick locks since I was 10 now move.

(Picks the lock)

Door: The prisoners are escaping sound the alarms! Call the warden!

Rin: Good job now let's get out of here. (Kicks door shut)

Door: Come back here and face my wrath you human!

Nice job! Why don't you just shout we escaped? Now let's quietly leave. Wait a minute.

Rin: What?

There is a note.

Dear Dannie and Rin we all left to try and cheer Larry up so we are at Butterfly Bread, or some other pathetic place. Hikari said we will be back around 5, so we will bring you two something to eat. Hope you learn to get along. Hikari thought this was a waste of time but I thought it was polite so bye.

Its already 2:00. We have 3 hours before we need to go back in the room or we will be locked in again. What do you wanna do? 

Rin: Haru said something about a T.V. show can we do that?

Never did it without Hikari but oh well, there is a first time for everything.

(At Nerd Depot…)

**Hikari: I wonder what those two are doing.**

**Alexander: Me too. I wonder if they killed each other yet.**

**Larry: Who cares what they're doing. We are having so much fun right guys?**

**Hikari: Yea totally. (Sarcasm)**

**Alexander: No were not mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmh (Hikari covers mouth)**

**Hikari: Alexander I will buy you a new pet if you play along and keep Larry happy for now.**

**Alexander: Deal! I want a monkey. No wait, I have Steve. I want a fish. No, to smelly. I want a dog. No, it would chase your cat. I want a cat. No, I want to be original. I want an elephant. That's it! I want an elephant.**

**Hikari: An elephant what is wrong with you? where am I supposed to find an elephant? Pick something else.**

**Alexander: Ok I want a horse.**

**Hikari: Why? Just why?**

**Alexander: Well if I had a horse I could ride it everywhere and I would never be tired. Plus when people see me they will be like wow that kid has a horse. **

**Hikari: You're insane.**

**Larry: What are you two talking about?**

**Hikari: Nothing! Can we go now?**

**Larry: Noooooooo! You said I can stay here and look at things to buy till 5:00 and it is only 4:00.**

**Hikari: Fine, but remember we need to bring dinner for Rin and Dannie.**

**Larry: Oh them. Let's ditch them to**

(Larry is Cut Off)

(At the Penthouse…)

Okay people. You might notice Hikari is and Alexander are missing. Also the stupidity level is too low for Larry to be here. They all went to spoil the nerd, so they are probably at the Learning Store or something. This is my guest today, Rin Sohma. She is hiding so don't tell anyone you saw her on TV.

Rin: Hi.

This is when you tell people about yourself.

Rin: I don't want to.

Okay… then I will make up an interesting back story. Rin is on the run from foreign police because she stole the emerald panda and the amber penguin from a museum. We would show you but to prevent you from being accomplices in jewel thievery.

Rin: I did not steal anything!

See folks she has the perfect unbreakable sense of denial that will surly fool the cops. Plus we don't have them any more we sold them to afford this penthouse that will be the new studio and convict hide out so if you ever commit a crime and need to lie low, you can use the penthouse if you don't tell anyone about me. Limitations are murder and arson. If you're wondering what happened to our old studio, go ask Hikari's "accountants".

Rin: Don't invite criminals to your penthouse!

Your right Rin. Only cat burglars because Hikari "acquired" the penthouse and she loves cats so that should be alright. If you want to get on my good side I will accept jaguars. The car or the feline will work wonderfully.

Rin: You know cat burglars don't steal cats right?

What are they supposed to steal dogs? That is not smart Rin.

(Outside Nerd Depot…)

**Alexander: We will wait for you by the TV store, Larry.**

**Hikari: I worried about Dannie and Rin. I can just imagine what is happing. **

**(Turns to look at a TV playing the live episode of Dr. Dannie)**

**Hikari: That is exactly what would happen. Larry hurry up! Alexander we are going ahead, you go get food for everyone and meet me back at the penthouse.**

**Alexander: Okay, pizza it is then, later.**

(At the Penthouse…)

We better hurry it is almost 5.

Rin: Yea I will be in your room you stop the show.

Ok well as you heard we must be going so we don't get caught so till next time.

(Hears front door opening, runs to room, locks door with hairpin)

**Hikari: Did you two kill each other?**

Dannie/Rin: No.

Door: They are liars! They escaped. Punish them!

**Hikari: You won't believe what I thought of. While I was in front of a TV store I thought of you two doing a show together. I mean really, you two hated each other when we left, there is no way you would have gotten along enough to do that right? **

Totally how dare you even think it!

Rin: Me? Do anything with her? Yea right!

**Alexander: 2 large plain pizzas for the consumption by us and Larry gets this pepper.**

Sounds good, let's eat! Being trapped in a room for hours makes me hungry.

(Still at the Store…)

**Larry: Please can I leave yet?**

Security guard: Not until I verify you did not take this flash drive from the store.

(Turns to a 5000 ft wall full of flash drives)

**Larry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

Security guard: That's it I'm keeping you another day and billing you for the hearing aid I need now.

**Larry: (Sits and starts to cry)**

(Next Day at the Penthouse…)

**Hikari: Breakfast time! Thank god for room service.**

Yay! More food, and still missing the tech stooge. Are you sure he was not trapped and packaged to be one of those take home tech stooges like in that computer commercial?

Rin: That could never happen, and don't talk so loudly in the morning.

I WILL TALK AS LOUD AS I WANT WHEN I WANT TO!

(Knock knock)

Haru: I smell food let me in. Oh and I came for Rin to.

Good morning and sure have Larry's food he is still missing.

Haru: What did you do?

Nothing.

Rin: Haru! (Hug)

Haru: I'm so glad you and Dannie get along. That show was so funny.

What do you mean show? We were trapped in my room all day. 

Haru: (Oblivious) What do you mean? You two did an awesome show.

**Hikari: So what I saw yesterday was a real show you two get along that much then hide it.**

Rin: We don't get along now let's go Haru.

(Rin leaves)

Haru: Hey Dannie thanks. Rin does not open up much but no matter what she says she looked like she was having fun. I'm glad you two are friends.

Haru, you're nuts. Whatever you want breakfast to go then?

**Hikari: Here you go. **_**Dannie probably feels the same way.**_

Haru: Thanks for helping us out.

**Hikari: No problem.**

…**...**

**Larry: Someone? Anyone? Help.**


	15. Ritsu

**Shojo Hikari **has become **HikariNeeSan**

Dymiyuki is Dannie (and Larry) by the way.

**Bold = Hikari (Host) (Me)**

Underlined = Dr. Dannie (Dymiyuki)

**Bold/Underlined****= Larry (Lights guy) and Alexander (A guy we pay for some reason)**

Regular = Guest or other random person

_Italics (can be __**bold, **__underlined, __or normal) = Whisper or thought_

Ritsu

(On Dannie's way home from ditching her last class…)

Thank god for music! It makes walking to the new penthouse that is so far away compared to the studio, less boring.

(Listening to music when Dannie bumps into someone…)

Sorry for bumping into you. Let me help you pick up your stuff.

?: No no no! I don't deserve such kindness from a stranger. It was my fault.

It really is fine. Here's your stuff. Wow that kimono looks really nice on you. Later!

?: No, I need to find a way to repay you.

It's really okay. Just go on doing what you were going to do.

?: ! I can't possibly. I don't even know your name. I will need to follow you until I make it up to you. I will apologize to the world until then. Why am always

troubling people? I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRY WORLD! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE! I AM ALWAYS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S KINDNESS! IM SOOOOOOORRRRRRYYYYYYY!

That is not necessary! I'm just gonna go. (puts in head phones and turns volume up)

(Outside the Penthouse…)

**Hikari: Dannie really needs to stop cutting last period… My god, what is that sound? Why is it coming from the penthouse? We are going to get kicked out with stuff like this happening so often.**

(Open's door…)

?: I'M SOOOOOOOOO !

**Hikari: Dannie! Who is this and why is she screaming? Dannie! CAN YOU HEAR ME?**

(Takes out head phones…)

I'M SORRY! WHAT? I WAS TRING TO BLOCK OUT THE YELLING!

**Hikari: WHO IS THIS?**

I DON"T KNOW I RAN INTO HER ON THE WAY HERE, AND I MADE HER DROP HER STUFF SO I HELPED PICK IT UP, AND SHE FOLLOWED ME HERE, WHILE SCREAMING. I TRIED TO LOCK HER OUT, BUT THE SECURITY GUARD CAME IN AND THREATENED TO THROW US OUT SHE IS IN MY ROOM BUT THAT DOES NOT SEEM TO BLOCK HER VOICE MUCH.

**Hikari: DID SHE SAY HER NAME OR WHERE SHE WAS GOING?**

?: I'M SOOOOOO 

NO! I INVITED YUKI OVER TO COME SEE THE NEW PLACE. WE NEED TO FIX THIS BEFORE LARRY AND ALEXANDER COME HERE WITH YUKI AND THAT GROUP.

?: I'M SOOOOOO 

**Hikari: GROUP?**

YEA TOHRU, KYO, AND YUKI THEY ALL HANG OUT TOGETHER SO THEY ARE A GROUP. THAT'S NOT THE POINT THOUGH. I HAVE TRIED TO TALK HER DOWN BUT I DID NOT GET ANY RESULTS YOU TRY.

?: I'M SOOOOOO 

**Hikari: ALRIGHT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?**

I'M GOING TO FIND SOME SORT OF SEDATIVE JUST IN CASE. 

(10 Minutes later…)

**Hikari: IT DID NOT WORK! **

I CAN TELL I AM STILL GOING DEAF AND ALEXANDER TEXTED ME SAYING THEY ARE CLOSE. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

**Hikari: I DON'T KNOW MAYBE THEY CAN HELP US.**

YEA IF WE SUPPLIED HEARINGAIDS AFTERWARDS!

?: I'M SOOOOOO 

(Outside…)

**Larry: The room with all the noise is ours naturally.**

**Alexander: Of course it is more fun that way.**

Tohru: That voice sounds familiar doesn't it Yuki?

Yuki: Your right it does but I can't remember what it is…

Kyo: Damn it, your both right and I can't remember it either.

**Alexander : Well, lets go in!**

(Inside…)

?: I'M SOOOOOO 

**Hikari: OH, HI!**

WELCOME TO THE NEW PENTHOUSE! I APOLOGIZE FOR THE NOISE SOME ONE FOLLOWED ME HOME AND I CAN'T STOP THIS STRANGER FROM SCREAMING.

**Hikari: YES, WE WOULD APPRECIATE HELP. THE PERSON IS OVER IN THAT BEDROOM.**

**Alexander: YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THAT PERSON CANDY. THAT WOULD HAVE STOPPED ME.**

?: I'M SOOOOOO 

Kyo: WOULD YOU IDIOTS ALL STOP YELLING!.

Yuki: YOU MORON! YOU HAVE TO YELL TOO!

Ayame: WE HAVE ARRIVED!

AYAME? AND SHIGURE? HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU KNOW WHERE WE MOVED TOO?

Ayame: MY FAITHFUL EMAIL COMPANION BLACK-KUN OF COURSE!

Shigure: WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING OVER THIS SCREAMING? I

THOUGHT I HAD AT LEAST SHOWN YUKI, KYO, OR TOHRU HOW TO STOP RITSU.

(Runs over and pokes Ritsu on the side…)

Ritsu: I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. I'm sorr…..

(Glares) If you finish that sentence I swear I will go insane.

Ritsu: I'm sorr…

(Kyo and Yuki run and stop Ritsu from saying it…)

Shigure: Why is Ritsu here anyway? I have never known you to walk into a strangers home.

Ritsu: That's right. I was on my way to visit you actually. When I walked by the school I bumped into Dannie and all my things dropped. She helped me pick them up and I had to thank her and then apologize for bumping into her, delaying her, and having her pick up my things.

It really was my fault, and you did not need to apologize. I mean, if I was in 8th period like I was supposed to be, it would not have happened.

**Hikari: Oh yea, why did you skip anyway?**

That's easy, I hate it. I'm passing it so I can afford a break. I did all my other homework so I had nothing to do, and I didn't need to stay after.

**Hikari: So basically, you skipped because you were bored.**

…Yep.

**Hikari: Why did I even ask when I already knew the answer?**

So anyway, how are we supposed to do this show with all of these people here?

**Hikari: Hmm. That is going to be difficult. Well, I haven't scheduled a guest, so why not just interview Ritsu.**

It doesn't sound like that's going to be very productive.

**Hikari: That's why we can have Shigure and Ayame on too, to keep her in check.**

Okay, I guess, but if those two get too idiotic, I'm kicking them out.

**Hikari: Ritsu, how would you like to be on our show before you go?**

Ritsu: I couldn't possibly. I don't deserve such a prestigious honor.

It's not really that big of a deal.

Ritsu: I can't burden you do much!

Think of it as doing me a favor. I need someone new to interview.

Shigure: Come on Ritsu. It'll be fun.

Ayame: We always have fun here, and we'll be right next to you.

Ritsu: I guess I could do it if it would really be helpful for you.

Thanks! So let's get this show started.

**Hikari: Larry! Get the lights! Alex! Set up the furniture.**

**Larry: Got it!**

**Alexander: Done!**

**Hikari: Okay! Let's go! Action!**

Hello Dr. Dannie viewers!

(Applause)

… Hikari, why is there applause?

**Hikari: I thought it might be useful for this particular show. Plus, it adds enthusiasm, even if it's fake.**

What's it useful for? 

**Hikari: You'll find out! Get on with the interview!**

So, today we are here with our new guest: Ritsu Sohma.

Ritsu: Uh, hello everyone.

(Applause)

We also have Ayame and Shigure Sohma, if anybody remembers them from previous episodes!

Shigure: Hello.

Ayame: Good Morning!

(Applause)

It's afternoon.

Ayame: Who cares!

(Applause)

Come on, who would actually clap for that!

**Hikari: Cooperate Dannie!**

Fine! Ritsu, since I don't have any good questions to ask, let's start with basics. What are your hobbies?

Ritsu: Um, I go to school and read.

That's it. Nothing else?

Ritsu: I'm sorry, I don't really do anything interesting. I'M SO SOR…

(Applause)

Oh, now I see what that's for. Good thinking.

**Hikari: Yep!**

Shigure: Don't worry. I'll be ready to poke next time.

Yes, this is Shigure's job today. You will keep Ritsu under control.

Ayame: What's my job?

Nothing. You have no reason to be here. Feel free to leave.

Ayame: Huh? How rude.

Ritsu: If only I could be more like Ayame-san. Then I would have many hobbies, and I wouldn't be so troublesome.

Ayame: Yes, yes, the great Aya never runs out of things to do, and never troubles people.

Shigure: You're joking right.

Ayame: Aren't you supposed to back me up.

Shigure: Not really.

Ritsu: I apologize for not being as amazing as him. I'M SO SO…

(Poke) (Applause)

Why on Earth would anyone want to be like him? Aim higher please Ritsu. You should be more like me for instance. I have accomplished many things, and sure I might not always do the right thing…

**Hikari: Like skipping class.**

Yes, like that, but I am a successful talk show host, and I use the term successful loosely. Besides you have enough potential to be an amazing girl like me. (If you stop being so damn annoying).

Ritsu: Girl…?

Shigure: …

Ayame: …

What?

Shigure: Ritsu's a…

Ayame: Guy.

What!

**Hikari: NO!**

**Larry: HOW?**

**Alexander: Well DUH!**

**Larry: Like you knew that!Alexander: Wasn't it obvious.**

**Larry: How?**

**Alexander: I don't know. Common sense. Instincts. Gut feeling. Obviousness. Something like that.**

I am so sorry! I had no idea. With that kimono, the long hair, and the voice, I could have sworn you were a girl.

**Hikari: Me to. I didn't even notice. We are so sorry.**

Ritsu: It's okay. That happens a lot. It's all my fault. I'm sorry for not being born the right gender. I'M S…

(Applause) (Poke)

**Hikari: Sorry, I still had to block that out.**

Shigure: Yea, sorry, I had no choice Ritsu.

Ritsu: No, it was my fault. I'M…

(Poke) (Applause)

Ayame: He dresses like this because of an obvious inferiority complex.

Yea, we can totally see that. 

**Hikari: Well I think that this is awkward enough. Good thing we're running out of time! How about ending this, and going down the street to buy some Let's-Pretend-This-Never-Happened Sweets. Then we can send Ritsu back to school or home or something, and go work on our final episode. (Which Ritsu may, or may not be featured in).**

That sounds good to me! Well today we didn't help anybody at all, and we actually made things worse! Thank God for Let's-Pretend-This-Never-Happened Sweets! (And thank God it's almost time to send him home).

Ritsu: I apologize for being such a horrible guest! I'M…

(Applause) (Poke)


End file.
